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How do you break up with a friend? (Sorry so long)

My DH & I have been friends with a guy (Jack) for 12 years. My DH met him college and he became a family friend. My DH & I started a family, etc. Our friend is single and has no kids. This guy started dating a girl (Jill) about 5 yrs ago. I of course was expected to be friends with her. We didn't hit it off at all in the beginning, but gave it the college try for the guys and actually ended up becoming quite close, though she is not someone I confide in or turn to. She isn't someone I'd ever be friends with on my own. Jack has changed since dating Jill, not for the better. He's been extremely rude to me on several occasions. Even insulting me on my own home about "not having a job" & "sitting on my ass all day". Then yelled "F*ck you" at me when I got snotty with him. Jill called and apologized for Jack, saying he was very tired. I got a half ass apology from him later via voice mail. Then Jill and I went to dinner and she was

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:55 AM on Jul. 17, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • con'd: griping about Jack as she usually does. I agreed with her and asked her why she doesn't do something to try to resolve her problems with him. I suggested a few things she could do. She got huffy saying that all I do is insult Jack. And all she needed to do was vent and why do all her friends act like she's stupid just because she doesn't do things they way they do. By this point she is yelling at me and demanding to go home. I was floored. She sort of apologized on the way home. This isn't the first time things like this were done. I'm so over this friendship. But every time something like this happens, I express my anger and just try to let the relationship die a natural death, but they start calling a while later acting like nothing happen. Do we need to sit down as couples and break up? Is a movie of the week confab really called for? How do you break up with friends? I really needed to vent. Thanks to you that read
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:03 AM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • i have no idea what to tell you. i guess just talk to your husband about it... good luck
    jmetz4

    Answer by jmetz4 at 5:06 AM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • I would just let it die....don't be available when they call.....let it dwindle down to nothing!
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 5:56 AM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • You know what this sounds like? It sounds like Jack may be an abusive person - and Jill is stuck in an abusive relationship (even if it's not physical). I can only imagine the way he treats her in private if he's got balls enough to disrespect you the way he does. What does your husband say about the way Jack talks to you? For your sake, I agree with you, distance yourself from this relationship. You'll end up being right smack in the middle of something you never intended to be in - and you won't even realize you're in the middle until it's too late. On the other side, talk to your husband about it - I swear it sounds like his friend is abusive.
    PaceMyself

    Answer by PaceMyself at 6:37 AM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • How does your husband feel about this? Is he willing to let go of his friendship with Jack? I think you should talk to your hubby and let him know you have had enough, you don't deserve to be treated this way by so called 'friends'.
    I think that next time they call and act all nice, like nothing is wrong, just say "oh, sorry I/we can't meet your for lunch today, I/we already have plans". I would just be 'unavailable' and if they don't get the hint then tell them "I'm sorry but I/we just don't care to continue the friendship with you" if they press for why- let them know you are sick of being treated like crap, and yelled at by them (especially for no reason at all!).
    Good luck!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 7:53 AM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • just let the friendship fade away unless hubby wants to take a more direct approach
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:10 AM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • If you want to be her friend, you can be but, you don't have to be.

    Talk to you husband about quiting the couples thing and getting back to Jack as his friend. Let him know how you feel about Jack, you don't want to be around him and his gf. If he agrees, great but it's likelyy he still wants to be friends. Set limits with your husband if that is the case. Decide what you want and don't want. "Honey, I know your friendship with Jack is important. I don't like the way he talks to me and puts me down. I don't want to be around that for my own well being and I would rather focus on (whatever) than to be friends with his girlfiriend" If she has a question abou it, you can say you need more time to do the things you need to do. You don't have to get into the reasons. Keep the focus on what YOU need. If she argues, tell her you aren't willinig to discuss it. "Just like you, I need to make my own decisions."
    happi-ladi

    Answer by happi-ladi at 9:33 AM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • Let it die...I just had to break up with my best friend and that's what I did. Just stop calling.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:23 AM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • My husband has a friend who's wife is like that. I quit answering her e-mails and never returned her calls. My husband still goes over to their house from time to time, but I don't allow my boys to go and I refuse to go over there. It was hard for my husband at first, but I remained firm. I was not going to be around someone who treated others badly and I wasn't going to allow my boys to be around her either.
    bordprson

    Answer by bordprson at 10:36 AM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • does your husband want to break up with this friend?
    I wish I had a good suggestion- but in all the cases of my male friends I have never been able to be friends with their girlfriends or wives because things like this happens. In my case it's usually that I'm expected to become this woman's friend, the when problems come up she assumes that I'm on 'her side' when in fact my loyalty is with him- he was my friend first.
    To try and not get in the middle, I just be nice to the girls but I don't get close. Often that gets misinterpreted as my 'wanting their man' -
    oh, the stress of relationships! Never easy-
    LadyAronna

    Answer by LadyAronna at 12:14 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

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