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Hubby trouble...anyone good at giving advice?

Me and hubby have been having problems for awhile now. We have really been trying to work it out and aren't willing to give up yet. However, I've been noticing a change in his behavior, and he just seems very unhappy. I questioned him and he said he wants to be able to go out with his friends, talk to his female friends, go golfing more, etc. (he's not being selfish, he never goes out and deserves to) I asked him then, why he didn't do those things. His response was "because you'll be upset". Well...I was floored. Maybe I might be disappointed, because he works such long hours that I love him being home, but I can't say I'd be 'upset' if he went out, and by all means, it shouldn't matter (to an extent) if it means he's then unhappy all the time. I feel so sad that something I did, subconconciously, was so negatively affecting his happiness. I can't shake this, and I just need some advice on how to handle this...any help for me

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:43 AM on Jul. 17, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • just talk to him about it. let him know you understand him needing some time for himself. i'm sure you feel you deserve some time just for you every once in awhile. it sounds like maybe he is justing feeling like he's stuck in a routine & needs to have alittle fun. then he will be able to show his appreciation for his family & feel more content being home w/ you. good luck.
    scooterpooter

    Answer by scooterpooter at 10:51 AM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • Sounds like it's time to make a very conscious effort to change how you are reacting in different situations. Being careful not to sulk because of your disappointment in one thing or another. Be aware of your thoughts, if you start thinking negatively about something, such as "Why is he going out to do that, he's been working so long and should be home with the family", stop, replace it with a positive though "He deserves to get out for a while, he works really hard for this family". If you catch yourself being negative toward him, stop, and apologize. You can't go back and change what's happened in the past, but you can make a conscious effort to not let it happen again in the future.

    There's a great book I would love to suggest to you, it does rub a lot of women the wrong way, and it's based on Christian principles, however if you'd like to know the title please message me.
    dedicatedrider

    Answer by dedicatedrider at 10:51 AM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • It sounds like there is an issue with him some where not you! This sounds like the guilt senerio to a certain degree. (he guilty and wants you to be) However there sounds like there may be more to it. Need more info to go there. Yes I do believe it is reason for him to get to out, but there will have to be a time for you to get to as well. The best thing I've heard of for that is to 1 wk get to have a girls nite out were you go out, 1wk have a family night do something fun with the kids, 1 wk have a guys nite where he goes. and one week have a date night where you guys devote the whole nite to each other. I have heard amazing thing about that technique. As for the girl friends thing that should be a bit of an issue for the main reason of fairness and resentment. He wouldn't be happy with you and guy friends and you will eventually resent that. Plus it can bring in a whole other set of issue. Unless it's for advice the chick fr
    hot-mama86

    Answer by hot-mama86 at 11:02 AM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • friends thing should be left for common ground where you are present it prevent and protect against so many probs that either they or he can bring to the table. Good Luck I hope it gets better. You can pm me if you ever feel low.
    hot-mama86

    Answer by hot-mama86 at 11:04 AM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • awww, my SO and i went through this. only all he wanted to do was veg out infront of his computer and play his game uninterupted for a few hours after work. which was hard for me becuase i wanted a break too...but we found a middle ground!!!....all you have to do to clear things up on your part is be completely honest. you want him to be happy. however do not give him what he wants by sacrificing everything you want! tell him that you want him to be happy, go out with friends, talk to his "girlfriends" at appropriate times of the day (becareful with this one, after dark theres nothing that needs to be discussed). but you also want to get some of his attention! you miss him, you love him, and you need some time too...maybe if he gets a day a week to go out, and then can have an hour to talk to random friends it will put his mind at ease. sounds like hes been running on what ifs, like what he couldve done without being a fam man
    sweetstkissez22

    Answer by sweetstkissez22 at 11:16 AM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • I would say "I am so sorry. I wish you would have told me sooner how you feel." I would also let him know it is okay for him to have "me" time-- maybe get the calendar our and pencil in days where he can go golfing or out with friends.
    Good luck!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 11:56 AM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • use this as a learning experience to communicate better. Being open finally helped and possibly saved your marriage. Tell him to keep up the good work. If you did something to make him think that then he needs to tell you what it is when it's happening so you know. Communication is the key.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:16 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • I can literally say I've been there! My husband is unhappy and says he asks to ask for money and says he can't do anything without me getting uspet.. which in a way is true, because we both work different schedules. and I keep his child almost all the time because he works weird hours, so on off days, especially when we don't have his son I love to spend time with him and he wants to go golfing and wants to go hang out with everyone else. We are getting through it all, but it took alot of talking .
    PeytonsMom21109

    Answer by PeytonsMom21109 at 2:08 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

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