Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I asked this before but didn't get any suggestions I haven't already tried. My son is nearly 4 yrs old. He has been urinating in the potty for a year already but refuses to go number two. I am so frustrated. I feel like I have tried it all. Does anyone know the "big secret" that I ha e been left out of?

I have tried both negative and positive reinforcement. We've read books on the potty and I've left him with privacy. I've put only underwear and only pull ups.Now I alternate. I've tried different potties as well. Stickers, gummy bears, even a spanking. He hates the feel of it in his pants and will even often ask for a bath afterward but it does not stop him from retreating to the corner to poop in his pants. I need help. I have been patient but it has been more than a year and he is yet to go number two even once in the toilet. I am at wits end!

Answer Question

Asked by KittyCafe at 11:25 AM on Jul. 17, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • I had a lot of problems potty training my son. I tried all the positive reinforcment stuff, and it di help him learn the concept, but did not help him WANT to use the potty.
    I ended up just taking away his diapers and making him go sit on the potty every hour for 10 minutes or so. ( The pull-ups were no better than a diaper and ost more too)
    It took a few days and he had a few mistakes, but he got it. It took a lot of determination on my part too. He was so upset he walked around crying and looking for his diapers the first day. Broke my heart, but he needed to understand that it was time to switch to using the potty.
    Good luck. That's the best advice I have. :)

    Answer by honeyb3 at 11:34 AM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • *did *cost.
    oops should have hit the spellcheck first

    Answer by honeyb3 at 11:35 AM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • I know this sounds harsh but it worked with my daughter when she wouldn't stop peeing her pants. We had her stay in her wet undies for an hour or so until it got really really uncomfortable. Once she was at her wits end with the nasty feeling i cleaned her up put her in a new clean pair of panties and explained to her that if she kept peeing in her panties then she would have to stay in them all wet, all day (which was an empty threat, but she didnt know that). I did this a few times and she hasn't peed in them from then on. I know its a nasty thought to leave him in his mess but since he doesn't like it to begin with maybe he will understand that it needs to go in the potty so that it is gone for good.

    Good luck to you.


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:42 AM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • It's a power struggle for him now. My fifth child was the same way, although I think I finally got him to poo in the potty just before four, otherwise we were potty trained. Get rid of the pull-ups, unless still needed at night and then only use them for then, let him clean himself up, at four he can do it, do not make the water warm keep it very cool, not cold, just cool, and do not help until he has made his best effort to clean it up on his own. Like Honeyb my little guy cried for the diapers and it was hard to not give in, but he got the idea quick and once he did poo it was no longer a big deal.

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 11:45 AM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • The above statements are great suggestions, just thought I'd add something in case this too didn't work. My brother was still having accidents at 6 because he wasn't fully potty trained with pooping, and no he's not developmentally delayed in any way. He's now almost 21 and as typical as they come. Anyways, back when he was 6 my mom was at her wits end and looked into their being a possible medical problem to him not going. Turns out he had IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) and it physically hurt him to go because he was constipated all the time. He was a child, so he couldn't voice this pain to my mom, it was just embarassing to him so he would hide in the corner and go in his pants. You said your son always hides in the corner, maybe he's embarrassed? Maybe he knows he suppose to go in the potty, but there's an underlying issue your missing. Have you mentioned this situation to his doctor? If not, I would and see what happens.

    Answer by ba13ygrl1987 at 1:51 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • My son had issues with producing a bowel movement because he was constipated and he was prescribed senakot ( a mild laxative). We would have to put him on his potty a few time a day so he could get used to the idea of going regularly on the toilet instead of his pull-ups. My son's going number 2 was a daily discussion in our house because of him developing anal fissures (tears on his rectum) We had to make certain he was getting enough liquids and fruit and veggies and whole grains. If I were you I would make sure your son tries #2 at least three times during the day.

    Answer by bridge45 at 2:20 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • I think you have a LOT of confusion going on in your house since you've tried so many different things. I would say punishment. My son was completely potty trained at 2.5 - even at night. If he went in his pants (excusing the occasional legitimate accident) he got punished. He really REALLY likes to go to spend the night at grandparents' houses. He wasn't going if he'd had an accident that week.

    Answer by RyleeMendez at 6:32 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • Perhaps he is afraid of pooing? The book "It Hurts When I Poop" is apparently very good at helping kids overcome their fear of pooing. Perhaps it hurts sometimes, especially if he ever gets constipated too. I know a lot of kids deal with this. Perhaps it is worth trying to approach it from this angle?

    Also, I'd be very careful with punishment and only use it if you know he is simply being willful.

    Answer by grass_tiger at 11:36 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • We had my son run around bare naked until after he pooed in the potty. He went on the floor a couple times and we made him clean it up, but no underwear until he was using the potty with no accidents for at least 3 days, then underwear only for another 4 days, and now he can be fully dressed.

    This also helped with my older son who went naked but would hide in a corner, poo, and cover it with his toys. So we just explained that to prevent any more damage, we would remove his toys until he could go in the potty. That was the last day he had an accident.

    With boys alot of times it is finding what will be more important to them than the avoidance of pooping. For my latest son, it was a picture that he wanted on his wall. We told him he couldn't have it until he went poo in the potty at least once.

    Answer by Petie at 1:02 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • My daughter was also afraid to poop because it hurt one time. She would hold it which made it harder and larger. She would stand in a corner and try to hold it till she could physically not hold it any more.

    First thing, get rid of the pull-ups! They just confuse things and he knows when he is wearing one that he can go in it. Then, next you have to watch him like a hawk! When ever you see him in a particular area either hiding or standing and holding it in. Quickly take him to the potty and "help" him to sit on the potty. He may be resistent at first, but gently help him to stay on the toilet seat, talk quietly to him to keep him calm and help him relax. If he cannot possibly hold it anymore, then he will have to go in the potty. Give him a reward for going even if you had to take him yourself. After you catch him enough times and he sees that he can go in the potty then it will just become something he can do.

    Answer by LovetoTeach247 at 8:46 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.