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9 year old son just won't learn!!! help!!!

my 9 year old son has a hard time being respectful and listening when he is told to do something. he also likes to try and "bend" the rules, like when i say go to your room in time out he'll come out 5 mins later to tell me "he loves me" but it's really just to not be in time out. i don't know how to make him listen. we make him do tons of chores, write sentences about being respectful, he loses fun things gets grounded but he just doesn't get it and ends up doing those things that got him in trouble all over again. i would love for some advice please. he is a great kid with a kind heart he just makes bad dicissions repeatedly.

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cleo2582

Asked by cleo2582 at 12:34 PM on Jul. 17, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 7 (183 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Sounds as if the techniques being used isn't helping him at all to learn to respect authority. I've learned with kids like this (and it may not be the case with your child) they need more stimulation and rules that grab their attention. Consequences for his actions should now be put into place and not the time outs. The time outs are an excuse for him to come and tell you he loves you. You already know that, but what he doesn't know is he needs to follow the rules. Be stern and consistent.
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 1:40 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • When William gets into trouble at school he loses his ds for the day. Sending him to his room won't do any good because that is where his toys are. Writing is probably not the best thing because it will eventually turn into a chore for school. You don't want to use that as a punishment. How about having him do things for others to learn respect? Working in a community volunteer program.  Praise for the good things so that he understands what he needs to do.

    robinsi2000

    Answer by robinsi2000 at 2:40 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • I am going to guess that you are not being consistent with rewards and discipline.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 7:49 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • Consistency is very important!!!!!!!!!!! Take everything out of his room except his bed and make him earn everything back.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:41 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • At 9 I spent more time in discussions and less with punishment. Sit him down and engage him in a conversation, explain why what he did was wrong, and what he should do in the future that will not lead to punishment.
    Petie

    Answer by Petie at 12:47 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • I have been going through the same exact thing for a year now and my son turned 10 the end of June. In fact, he's repeating 4th grade partly because of this reason. I really think its just a stage- i went through a couple of years with my daughter before she "got it" and started behaving better. I am frustrated with my son as well, because now we're at the point if i take the TV away, he doesn't care. Take the Nintendo away, he doesn't care. All i can do is continue to take things away until he figures it out. Sorry if i wasn't much help, just wanted to let you know you aren't alone!!
    jlbab321

    Answer by jlbab321 at 11:40 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • Every time he comes out of his time out. Start the clock over. Let him know that you start the clock over each time & add another minute. It takes a while to get it through their heads.

    My ss argues over his timeout. So I add 5 minutes until he stops. I tell him: 5 min, 10 min, 15 min until he stops. took a few times. But now he is usually done by 10 min.
    motherofhope98

    Answer by motherofhope98 at 9:18 AM on Jul. 20, 2009

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