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IYO...What reasons constitute getting a divorce?

Besides the obvious ones like cheating and abuse...why would you get a divorce.

How bad does it have to get before you do something about it....like I said there is no cheating or abuse.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:41 PM on Jul. 17, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • If there is no cheating or abuse, then to me there is no reason. I believe you should be able to work at it and make it work. Try the book and movie the Love Dare. Sometimes when I am really frustrated with my DH even if I dont think I am wrong I change some things I am doing, and it actually makes life easier. I think Marriage is for life, even if my husband were to abuse me or cheat There would be part of me that would want to work on it. Obviously if he continued to cheat or abuse then I would leave for good.
    Jessy103

    Answer by Jessy103 at 12:45 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • I think if you can't agree about anything, fight about everything, and one or both of you don't care to try to work through it, then it is broken beyond repair. When you aren't even willing to try to make it better, then I think you have given up and might as well move on.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:48 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • no cheating, no abuse, no reason. When you get married its for better or for worse till death do us part. If that is too much for you, then don't get married.
    abbynzachsmommy

    Answer by abbynzachsmommy at 12:51 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • if cheating and abuse are out then its a toughy. My DH and I have never had an argument so bad that I thought I would leave him for it. But I think if your not in love with this person anymore, you should try to rekindle the flame, if its just not there then I dont think either of you should suffer the rest of your lives with someone you no longer love, it will eventually lead to cheating. I think alot of things can be worked out with effort on both sides.
    cassie_kellison

    Answer by cassie_kellison at 12:51 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • i think seperation is ok, if dh flat out refuses to work and support the family. even if youre working, he needs to take care of his family.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:51 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • I agree with the above answer, I tried to stick it out with my ex husband, I supported him when he wanted to go back to school, he only worked maybe a total of 6 months during the 5 years we were married. Then his mother had a stroke, he quit school to "take care" of her, and he still to this day does not have a job and is perfectly content living off of welfare. Sorry, I just could not live like that. To me, he broke our marriage vows by not helping me in the marriage. The bible says a man that will not provide for his family is worse than an infidel...which means non believer. I did my BEST to make my marriage work but he didn't give back so I moved on....
    jillisue808

    Answer by jillisue808 at 1:57 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • And by moved on I don't mean to another man, I mean I'm trying to rebuild my life and get myself together and realize that I deserve so much more. We could have had such a good life together, we were both able to work and he left some VERY good jobs, or got fired from them for being late and lazy. When his mother got sick it became ALL about her, I begged him, literally begged him not to sell our home and move in with her, but he did it anyway. Because I wanted to give my marriage every shot I agreed to move with him, but I couldn't even have a conversation with anyone without my ex mother in law jumping on me. She was just flat out mean to me a lot, and ex did NOTHING to prevent it. Right before I left I gave him one last shot and he just refused to try, so I knew it was time for me to leave.
    jillisue808

    Answer by jillisue808 at 2:01 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • I think cheating and abuse are the only really valid reasons to get a divorce. Extreme money issues could be a reason too, such as a deadbeat who refuses to get a job or continues to break the budget.

    But I take the vows seriously. When you marry, you pledge for better or for worse. You make a vow to stand by your man during difficult times.

    Reasons that I do NOT think make for a valid divorce include:
    -"not in love anymore". Oh come on, you guys stopped romancing and sexing each other ages ago. Put some effort in.
    -Illness
    -"trying to find oneself" (wtf does that even mean?)

    Generally speaking, I think people divorce too easily and forget to put their families first, or aren't willing to put in the effort to repair cracks in the relationship. You really need to put your spouse first.
    Mousuke

    Answer by Mousuke at 3:29 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • I actually stayed through the abuse, addiction, and suspected (never confirmed) cheating. But when he looked at my daughter w/ the same look he had in his eyes when he threatened to kill me, I was out.
    KLBrown

    Answer by KLBrown at 3:35 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • Oh, there are other reasons....but these have to be things that you've tried to change and are not succeeding in changing. (Love Dare only works if both parties cooperate.)

    Addiction. Be it drugs, alcohol, gaming, gambling, what have you. An addict is married to his high.

    Chronic joblessness without any effort to correct it. It's one thing when you are laid off froma job. But if you lose jobs because of irresponsibility or don't get a job because you won't go looking, then you're not responsible enough to be married.

    Criminal activity, especially anything with drugs, gangs or the Mob. It puts your family in the line of fire and that too is irresponsible.

    Not cutting the apron strings. Honor they mother and thy father is one thing, but walking all over your spouse and chidlren in order to do something is the hallmark of someone not mature enough to be married.

    Again, you have to have tried to correct the problem first.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:03 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

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