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Grandfather thats really not, and visiting...

My Ex and I started dating when I was 6 months preg and where together for 5 years. My DD is 5, and as far as she knows thats her Daddy.



We split about 3 weeks ago and now his dad wants to get DD so she can spend the night with him. He has always treated her like she was his real granddaughter and she just adores him.



I'm worried about letting him see her. Ex hasnt said anything about wanting to see her at all, just his Dad.

And if I let him see her like he wants to, eventually it'll get to the point where I have to tell her the truth and then he's basically just some old guy I let see my kid.



Any advice?

 
Cherrie522

Asked by Cherrie522 at 4:22 PM on Jul. 17, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 2 (10 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • My POV: family is who you decide family is. This man adores and cares for your child. You trust him. She needs people who will nurture her, love her, enjoy her presence, and establish healthy relationships with. If he is willing to be all those things and gets to enjoy the title of Grandpa (because that is the role is is fullfilling) then good for her and for you. Everyone has complicated relationships and hard to explain situations. I have seen so many you need a dry erase board to map it all out. He is a man who loves her and respects you. Don't take this from either of them. Children do need grandparents in their lives. As role models: watching them love them, watching them grow older, and eventually learning how to let go (hopefully not for a very long time). It is about life and loving. So love her and love him. This sounds like a loving and lasting connection.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 6:54 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • If your daughter has always had a good relationship to the grandfather,, why deny her the right to be with him? Its obvious that he loves your dd, despite the blood difference and since that's the only grandfather she knows, allow her the relationship with him. Just because you and her step father are no longer together, shouldn't be an issue with relationships she's built in his family...
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 4:39 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • It would be fine, probably. However, I would feel as uncomfortable as you are about it and wouldn't allow it, especially if she has never stayed with him before. For a 5 year old to stay with a man not her father.....yeah it makes me uncomfortable.

    She will need to know who her biological father is at some point. Medical evaluations and diagnoses are often started on asking about family medical history. If her bio-father is diabetic, or had a heart attack at a young age, and so forth, the child's doctor needs to know such things to protect her health.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 4:42 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • Letting dd spend the night with a non-related male? Eh, maybe not such a good idea.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:42 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • She spent the night with him hundreds of times before, so thats not the issue.
    I trust this man 100% with my child.
    Cherrie522

    Answer by Cherrie522 at 4:49 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • Blood or not if she loves him and you trust him and the relationship is there go for it. Yes eventually she will know but she thinks of him as her gpa and blood wont change that. SHe will always love him. Be thankful he is wanting to continue a relationship.....
    heather.darin

    Answer by heather.darin at 5:10 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • I adored both my grandfathers by the time I was five and remained close to them until the death of one of one when i was 21 and am still close to the other. My mom could've told me at any point that one or the other was not my biological grandfather and it wouldn't have mattered a single bit, as far as my love for them went. I would still want to spend time with and be close with them. It is not this man's fault (nor your daughter's) you and your ex are not still a family, and as an adoptive mother I can tell you that family between non-blood related people are just as strong as the ones created by biology. If I could offer a point of advice - please do tell your daughter the truth about the situation, in terms she can understand now while she is small. She will be very accepting of it and have a much easier time understanding it as she grows rather than if she finds out later that you kept a secret from her.
    MommyAddie

    Answer by MommyAddie at 5:26 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • just because his son wasn't the sperm donor doesn't mean he is just some old guy you let your child visit. your ex is the only father your chuild has known and this man is her grandfather as far as she knows and even when she finds out that he is not her bio GF that doesn't mean she will stop loving him
    mamak57

    Answer by mamak57 at 5:35 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • if she knows him as her grandpa than i say it's fine, especially since she has stayed iwth him before. or maybe just allow short trips to the park or something for now. dont do something you are not comfortable with that's for sure!
    mommy2xp

    Answer by mommy2xp at 6:03 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • Your ex is a jerk if he hasn't wanted to see your daughter but don't hold that against the grandfather she has grown to love. Also if you ever were to reconicle it would make a huge problem for you if you with held her. Keep the visits short and sweet and stay with them when you are and make a point of not mentioning anything negative about the split.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:26 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

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