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Drinking at 13. -

Long story short,

Husband's parents are in jail So my husband and I are rasing his 3 teen siblings.
The middle child, girl, is 13. We found out after letting her spend the night with her friends, that they were drinking. Her response ' its not a big deal, my mom let me drink before ' . What do we say to that? All we are able to do is ground her all summer. She said she didnt care wether she couldnt go anywhere. So its not really a punishment. What do we do with her?

Answer Question
 
aMbeR012005

Asked by aMbeR012005 at 4:55 PM on Jul. 17, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • kick her butt and tell her to straighten up or you'll send her to a foster home( only say it if you are willing to do it) That is what I would do anyways
    heather.darin

    Answer by heather.darin at 4:59 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • Make it very very clear that while her mom might hav elet her do whatever she wanted, YOU will not. You have rules and she's gotta follow them As for punishment...hard labor. lol
    Maybe relandscape your yard and have her do all the digging.
    Cherrie522

    Answer by Cherrie522 at 5:00 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • Ah, 13, my parents have always said that is the worst year for girls and they should know they had 3. Um the worst punishment I can remember was having to help my mom clean the house everyday and do EVERYTHING with her, she even made me got to work with her and help, of course her job would allow for that. You just need to find something that will really make her not happy and do that if you need to punish her. As for her saying her mom let her do it, you tell her you are not her mother and you have rules that she is expected to follow and if she doesn't there will be consequences. And since her mother is in jail use that as an example as why you have rules. Good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:01 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • I would still ground her cuz teens tend to say they don't care thinking you might let them still hang out with there friends, but really they do care cuz who want's to stay at home all summer

    looovemybabies

    Answer by looovemybabies at 5:02 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • Wow....13 is so young I can't believe her mom was letting her drink (if she's telling the truth anyways)....I'm curious how 13 year old girls get ahold of alcohol to begin with. I would ground her too. Tell her that no matter what her mom let her do she's living under your roof right now so she will have to follow your rules. I would do extra chores, and then maybe talk to her about why drinking is bad to begin with for kids her age. Maybe no one sat and talked to her about things like that. Good luck.
    Hannah22

    Answer by Hannah22 at 5:04 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • yeah ground her, shes bluffing.... or take something away like the computer and STICK WITH IT... my parents would tell me 'NO INTERNET FOR A MONTH' and the next day i would be on the internet and they wouldnt say anything.
    pookipoo

    Answer by pookipoo at 5:32 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • Thank you ladies. I actually dosed off and thought, if my son were to ever pull something like this, it would be the first and last.

    Just the fact that im not her mom ( not trying to be) , and that shes been allowed this already, its all more harder to 'reprogram her' Kids will be with wherever they can get away with things. Sadly its their mother. My husband had to walk out becuase he didnt know what to do.

    They dont use internet, only because i asked them to clean up their myspace page (they all have things tweens shouldnt even be about on there) ..i dont even want to list.

    Its like never ending with teens isnt it?
    aMbeR012005

    Answer by aMbeR012005 at 5:46 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • I think you need to strict with a 13 year old who thinks drinking at 13 is  acceptable,   it's definitely unacceptable and you should not tolerate it. I will tell you as a parent of a 16 year old not going out is not the only punishment you can give her, make it harder, take away the computer privileges, take away the cell phone is she has one, don't allow her  to call or receive calls from her friends for at least a period of three weeks and trust me she will learn quickly how you are not kidding about the drinking matter and also, don't allow any sleepovers or allow her to sleep over for the same period of three weeks. Trust me it works and she will think twice before drinking again. Emphasize also that what her mother allowed is not necessarily what you choose to allow while in your care.

    Hurtnlostmom

    Answer by Hurtnlostmom at 7:38 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • The child needs activities. Contact the Red Cross and find a babysitting class. My 13 year is a RC certified babysitter and charges $7 an hour. It turns out that parents prefer a mature young teen who knows CPR and first aid to a flighty college student. Or see if the Youth Volunteer Core is active in your area “Since 1987 YVC has been engaging 11-18 year olds in structured, supervised service learning projects in and out of school.”
    www.ycva.org.
    Or is she is interested in animals, find a shelter she can volunteer at. Or make her spend a few hours a week at a senior center.

    She is too wrapped un in her own misery
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 7:44 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • First of all I will say,"God bless you." Teens can be a challenge. I would contact the mother that let these these teens drink. That is against the law. She could find herself in a heap of trouble allowing this to happen. Make sure she is aware of the fact that underage kids are drinking at her home. Don't get mad just give her the facts. For your teens you will have to regroup. I agree that volunteering and taking recreational classes can be fun. You will have to spend the time with them. That is the bottom line. There are always free things going on in the community. You can teach them some new games, watch movies, get them into a youth group, and ask people you know if they can do some work for them. Help them find jobs if you can find anything. Parenting isn't for sissies that is for sure. Hang in there. grannywilson
    grannywilson

    Answer by grannywilson at 9:40 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

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