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Is my husband right?

When we decided to start a family we both agreed that I would be a stay-at-home Mom. Now that I am, my husband thinks that his only responsibility is to go to work and that's it. He says he shouldn't help me with the house or the pets or anything outside of his job. I get upset because I think that just because I raise our baby at home doesn't mean I am his maid. All I ask is that he not leave his clothes all over the floor, pick up his trash, take the dogs out to potty before he leaves for work and clean the litter box since the lactation consultant said I shouldn't clean it while nursing. Is that really to much to ask?
I knew it wasn't going to be easy and I appreciate him providing for us, it's just hard when I'm a new Mom nursing an infant trying to take care of the baby, the house, pets, me and meet my husbands needs.
Is my job not as important as his or am I just complaining too much as he puts it.


Asked by Anonymous at 6:14 PM on Jul. 17, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (25)
  • It is amazing the pre-concieved expectations we all have and how disappointed we all get when things do not unfold as our vision would have it. I think that raising a family has seasons. there will be times when you will need more of his help and then there will be periods when you won't need him as much. the key is to stay flexible and tell him with words what you need, i.e. "the baby didn't sleep well last night could you please let the dogs out for me" or "my day was super packed today, do you mind starting a load of laundry", and yes, you have to do this in a daily basis. I have found it to be a "training the husband process". Just remember to avoid criticism when things are not done to your standards or he will become defeated. He is just as stressed out as you are, he just experiences it differently. Keep in mind that if he was raised with his mother managing everything, than your "training" might take longer. GL!

    Answer by lovnevrymomnt at 12:15 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • You stay home all day. How hard is it to pick up and take care of the house? He works all day. Seems like a fair trade to me.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:16 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • Men are stupid. You could always stop doing things for him..

    Answer by louise2 at 6:18 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • Or go back to work..Pay day care. Then he will have to help..

    Answer by louise2 at 6:19 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • I think that he should help around the house. It is not as if you are asking him to clean bathrooms, wash laundry, and make dinner. And even if you needed him to do all that once in a while, he should help. Having a baby to care for is not that easy. Maybe make him stay home for a whole day, with the baby, and see what he has to say.

    Answer by bellasrose71008 at 6:24 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • I'm a stay at home mom and the house is my responsibility. He has his job, and I have mine. Although being a new mom is a big adjustment and he should help out the first couple of months!

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:26 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • thats dont get that being at home all day isnt as easy as it sounds!!! .....let him spend the day with the baby and maybe he'll get it....your not asking him to do everything but giving a helping hand would be took my SO a little while to get it, but now he truly apreciates me for what i do. esp since ive gone back to work. some men just dont get it. all you can do is try to communicate your thoughts again let him know what you feel like, and if that doesnt help i dont know what yo tell you, u may need to consider a part time job to help maintain your sanity. its the only thing that helped me!!!! GL hun

    Answer by sweetstkissez22 at 6:27 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • I've Been a stay at home mom for most of the last 22 years. I take care of the house, and yes I do pick up his clothes, and clutter that he may leave behind. My husband did help with the kids when they were small. He wanted time with them, so he would change diapers, bathe them while I was doing dishes, or play with them so I could take a share or get something done. He does take out trash, mow the lawn, and maintain our vehicles and do household repairs. I do all the housework, cooking, cleaning, shopping, bills, virtually everything else.

    Answer by ohwrite at 6:30 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • I don't understand men (and women) who think like this. I am a SAHM but my husband helps out too. The children and house (ok apartment) are his responsiblity too. My job is the watch and entertain the kids NOT take care of the house. And picking up after himself and taking the dogs out before work isn't like asking him to clean the entire house. It is just a few chores. He should be doing them. My husband is responsible for cleaning the bathroom, taking out the trash and picking up after himself. I do enough trying to take care of our 2 sons he can help out sometimes.

    Answer by purpleducky at 6:31 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • Only one child? I would say, he's pretty close to right. If you're a SAHM to one baby, you should be able to handle the house. Of course, if you're two weeks postpartum, then he needs to pitch in. I think he ought to take care of the litter box and put the dogs out in the morning, but otherwise, I would think it ought to be your responsibility. JMO

    Answer by toriandgrace at 6:32 PM on Jul. 17, 2009