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Bio-dad coming back after 2 years

So my first born's (who will be 3 in Oct) bio dad is coming over tomorrow. He hasn't been around since her 1st birthday. He has been paying child support but hasn't seen her or anything, and now wants to see her. Of course I said it was ok, he has rights and all. I'm not letting him take her anywhere though, just come by for a visit.

Here's the confusing part. I got married April of this year and she has known my husband as her "daddy" since October of last year. I know I can't introduce her real dad as "daddy", but I think he's going to be super offended if I have her call him by his name. UGH! This thing is just totally crazy lol. Anyone else ever dealt with a situation like this and how did it go down?


Asked by tnm786 at 7:15 PM on Jul. 17, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

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Answers (10)
  • We are somewhat in that situation. Kinda. My daughter is 5 and hasn't seen her father since she was 18 months. She knows my husband as Daddy and we are keeping it that way. I think that before he jumps right into seeing her you should pull him aside and tell him that you are uncomfortable introducing him as Daddy because he HASN'T been around and you don't think that it would be fair to her at this point to try and explain it. Just don't do it in front of your daughter though (he might get really offended), allow him to express his concern, but make it clear (if you are feeling strong about this) that if he has a problem with it then he should come back when he feels better about it.

    IMO, paying child support doesn't entitle you anything (I know I know...legally it does-but it takes more than a monthly check to be a Daddy) Good luck. Let me know what happens!! I might be coming to you for advice about this in the future!!

    Answer by LaceyAM at 7:24 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • we called my sons father uncle.

    Answer by ColleenF30 at 7:16 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • I would explain to her that some little girls have two daddies, do this in an age appropriate way though.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:19 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • My sister had her kids call bio dad who showed up occaisionally "Daddy Mike". Using Uncle and stuff really can cause confusion later. There will come a time whether Bio dad is in her life or not that it will need to be explained to her. I would start right off with "Daddy (his name)" If she asks you simply explain that she has two daddys and they both love her very much. Thats enough for a 3 yr old.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 7:23 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • You need to explain to her the difference between a father and a daddy. I guess that I don't understand why she didn't already know this.

    Answer by rkoloms at 8:12 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • Her daddy can be her daddy and her bio-father can be just dad. And if she is really lucky she can have a dad and a daddy, double the love and support!

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 8:23 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • rkoloms- don't you think its kind of hard to explain to a 3yr old the difference between a father and a daddy?

    i agree with GrnEyedGrandma, the daddy (his name) thing sounds like a good idea.

    Answer by exxOHjackie at 9:01 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • rkoloms - the kid is not even 3 yet! I'd love to see your suggestions for explaining that one and getting the point across.

    OP - I like the suggestion someone had of "Daddy (name)"

    Answer by beadingmom17 at 9:47 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • Get her call your boyfriend daddy since that the daddy she knows, and get her her to call the bio dad poppa or pop

    Answer by pumpkinpie778 at 10:38 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • Thanks everyone. By the way, he DIDN'T show. BIG shocker there! It's a good thing my daughter is too young to understand, but I didn't tell her he was coming anyway for that exact reason. Why are men so stupid?? lol

    Answer by tnm786 at 6:51 PM on Jul. 18, 2009