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How do I deal with the aftermath of my affair and my husbands disbelief of my love for him?

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hard2handle

Asked by hard2handle at 7:45 PM on Jul. 17, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (11)
  • well this is going to sound bad but if you truly loved him you wouldnt have cheated. that being said you have to be patient and let him get over it and move on in his own time. Keep your word no matter how tiny, if you say I am going to be home at 5pm then be home 15 minutes early he has to trust you again before he will believe you love him! trust me I know my husband cheated on me 6 years ago and we still struggle over it but it gets easier every day just be patient and be honest and show him you can be trusted
    elananme

    Answer by elananme at 7:50 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • time will take care of it
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:52 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • personally I think it's the husband's fault a woman feels she has to have an affair. Tell him not to screw up again and you won't have to do it again
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:52 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • Wow that was harsh anon:52. He wasnt the one who cheated, I dont care what ur SO does, if u dont wanna be with him, leave, then have sex with someone else. Cheating never solves anything....Sorry OP you shouldnt have cheated
    mumma28

    Answer by mumma28 at 7:56 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • he should have taken care of your needs so you didn't have to go find someone else who would
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:57 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • i agree w mumma28. your the one who cheated, deal w it. i wouldnt trust that my husband loved me if he had cheated. your mess to clean up, and dont blame your husband.
    erika_wright

    Answer by erika_wright at 8:49 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • Don't cheat. !!!! You know just have to wait and let things heal. When someone cheats it is an act of selfishness. You need to seek out professional help. Why did you cheat anyway? That is the main issue. You need to decide if you really want to remain in the marriage.
    oliviahank

    Answer by oliviahank at 10:17 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • I think you should read the following books and truly take them to heart:
    1) Secrets of Happily Married Women
    2) How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It
    3) The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands

    You can find all 3 on Amazon and they are marriage savers.

    In order to recover from an affair you must live your life as a complete and open book. You must always tell him exactly what you're doing and where you're going and who you'll be with down to the detail until you earn his trust back. He should know your passwords to emails, have access to your phone, etc. If you live your life openly and honestly and are a good wife every day (those books will help a ton), then time will heal this hurt. If you're secretive or fail to be a good wife to him, then this will end in divorce.
    ThrivingMom

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 10:20 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • It is gonna take time for him to trust you but there has to be a good reason as to why you cheated and you need to expain to him what drove you to this point. Usually when some one cheats (especially a woman) its because there are problems in the relationship. Does it mean you stopped loving your husband? no. Its probaly because you needed to feel wanted. To your husband there is no good excuse for you cheating but he needs to look into your heart and see how you was feeling at the time and how you feel now. He might forgive but he will never forget and you will have to deal with it but if he truely loves you he will want to learn to trust you again and not bring it up everytime he gets upset with you. Good Luck!!
    heavenlypeace

    Answer by heavenlypeace at 10:42 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • OP: I don't know if he ever will trust you again. I know I wouldn't. After all, you played him for so long and hurt him in the worst possible way.

    A marriage is a lifelong commitment. It is also a choice. You CHOSE to be with your husband. You CHOSE to be with him for life, for better or for worse.

    Cheating is also a choice. You CHOSE to betray your husband in the worst possible way.

    If you want to be with or sleep with someone else, you break up with your partner first and then move on. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

    People like you disgust me.

    You made your bed. Now sleep in it.
    Mousuke

    Answer by Mousuke at 12:51 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

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