Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Conceiving Second Child Internal Struggle, help?

Our son is 81/2 months, IF we were to have a second one, now would be the optimal time for us to get prego. We wouldn't want the two far apart. But we had some medical problems with the first, and while he's ok now, I'm terrified of it happening again. Not to mention all the responsibility that comes with having a second child. How do you make this decision? When I think of actually having the child, I smile like crazy and thus think that I have my answer...but then I get a mild panic attack right after. I'm scared of everything from the actual pregnancy down to what if we can't divy our attention between the two correctly, to finances, to health issues. How did you make your decision? Do you regret having two? Is it too hard?? please help, anyone...please?

Answer Question

Asked by Adeline1210 at 7:54 PM on Jul. 17, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

Level 6 (107 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Best thing we ever did, hands down. I was like you- we had just had a particularly painful miscarriage and I was very apprehensive about getting pregnant again. But I swear, its not as difficult as it seems. I am so grateful we decided to have our son when we did. They are 18 months and 6 days apart. They play together, there is no jealousy, and we were all still in baby mode, so there was no inconvenience to anyone. I SAY GO FOR IT!!

    Answer by cornfamilyzoo at 8:18 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • Oh boy, I'm right there with you! My son is 11 1/2 months and we've started talking about it, but mostly in "what ifs." I think that what ever happens you'll do just fine. You are right though, the idea of having another is scary and exciting at the same time. I think a lot of moms feel that way. Especially when they're both young. It will be hard, I am sure, but I think it would be a lot of fun too. They'll be close enough in age to enjoy a lot of the same things at the same time.

    Besides, there are problems to think of when they're farther apart in age too, like if your first child gets used to being the only one then you could run into more jealousy issues.

    Whatever you decide, it will be the right choice for your family. Go with your heart. As long as you and DH are on the same page you'll be great :)

    Answer by beckcorc at 8:39 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • I have 4. Having another one always causes fears, worries, etc but having another one close is wonderful. Our middle two are 18 months apart and they're so close! They have always like the same toys, enjoyed the same activities, and have kept each other busy - they entertain one another so well!

    Answer by missanc at 9:02 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • I say go for it, my oldest two are 18 months apart, they are now 26 and 25, they are still close. They say if you wait until you are "ready " to have a baby you'll never have one. Go with your heart!

    Answer by robinann5 at 9:16 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • I just had my second child almost 2 weeks ago and they are 16 months apart.. ..i am glad i decided to have them so close together. we've decided that we are done having kids and hope they grow up being friends.. i say go for it....good luck

    Answer by yas_marie_87 at 9:43 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • I say if you think you are ready go for it. My tow are three years apart and while I love them and have no regrets I think it would have been easier to have them closer together. While they still play together alot and share alot of the same interests they are also far enough apart that I am playing referee alot.

    My oldest is trying to play mother and tell her sister what she can and cant do. My oldest is also getting interested in things that her sister is way to small to do (like more complicated crafts and make up and science projects).

    I think if you feel you are ready then go for it.

    Answer by Momma2-2Girls at 10:15 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • My oldest 2 nieces are 22 months apart, my nephews are about the same. They fight all the time. In both cases, each one wants what the other one has, they pick on each other, and the younger ones want to do exactly the same things as the older ones, and don't understand that sometimes they simply can't. I remember it being the same way with some of my cousins who are very close in age, from early childhood all the way up through teenage years. My sister is 8 years older than me, and while we weren't very close growing up, we are now and my parents had it a LOT easier. The only issues they really had were me playing in her room with her makeup and stuff, or crying because I couldn't hang out with her and the "big kids". Also my sis didn't have "jealousy" issues because she was old enough to understand and help. I'd like mine to be at least 4 yrs apart, but that's just my take on it.

    Answer by Koukla12905 at 12:24 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.