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what do i do about a grandma who always interferes?

My mom is always interfering with the way I disaplin my kids. I use time-outs when they do something wrong, or take away priviliges. So often my mom will get mad at me for displining them, especially my daughter. She will make excuses for my daughters behavior, blaming it on her being tired, or it being her brothers fault/started it. I have fought with her on the subject. She has stopped over a couple times when Kay(8) is in time out (15min) and she will go to her and start talking to her or making her laugh or tickling. I have to stand by and bite my tongue, or my mom will storm out of my house. This is not behavior I want my daughter to see. Often when we go shopping together my mom will chase her in the store, let her play in the clothes racks. If I say anything to Kay my mom will tell me to lighten up in snotty tone... Kay often will smart back in the same tone. How do I handle this???? I take it anymore.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:58 PM on Jul. 17, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Tell your mom that you love her and admire her love for your children, and are grateful that she wants to be involved in their lives. Tell her that her ignorance of your disciplinary rules creates inconsistency and is causing problems in the household. Say that you want her to be involved, but your children come first, and if she is unable to respect and follow your discipline rules then she will not be allowed to see the children as often.

    Being a grandparent is a privilege, not a right.
    Mousuke

    Answer by Mousuke at 12:45 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • Well it probably seems to your mother that if your DD is in time out everytime shes over then she must be thinking that you jump down her thoat on every little thing your DD does. Thats the way you make it sound. Sorry not thring to bash you but read what you wrote and tell us thats not what you meant.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:05 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • sit her down in private and explain how u feel an if she dont like t tell her ur the mom an wat u says goes
    momatonly16

    Answer by momatonly16 at 9:06 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • That's really surprising especially since it's your mother doing it. Usually it would be the mil critisizing.
    Patty414

    Answer by Patty414 at 9:13 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • I would be like...remember the way that you raised me????? I'm sure if your mom was like my mom then yea she didn't let you get away with playing in the clothing rack & the store or running around the store acting all crazy. Just let her know that your trying to get your girl to be responsible & well behaved & if she can't deal with that then she dosen't need to be around her as much. It's sad to say but her giving you a 'tone' like that is totally inappropiate infront of your daughter!! I mean would she stand for you talking to her like that when you were little?? I'm sure no...so why is she teaching your daughter to disrespect you like that. My ex's mom was like that & you know what now she only see's the grand kids every other weekend...when she used to babysit & see the kids every day. But you don't respect what I say then I'm sorry you get limited time with the kids.
    jfblaine

    Answer by jfblaine at 9:13 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • In reply to anonymous... i thought it might sound that way... but my mom is over ALLOT, we see each other all the time so no it's not that I jump down her throat for every little thing she does, I disiplin my boy equally. They aren't horrible children or anything. It's just that my mom feels my daughter does no wrong and my daughter knows it.... my mom does not treat my son the same way. She will get after him for anything he does that upsets Kay, even if she starts it and he is retaliating. I will put them both in time out for fighting if they do. she will side with Kay. She will also wait on her at supper time if we are over, kay doesn't have to get up or say please and thank-you. it makes it frustrating to take my kids over to spend time with my mom. if she doesn't want what we are eating my mom will make her her request. then at home she will always try the same thing.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:27 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • time out is only supposed to be ONE minute per age so 8 min max for her (dd not mom)
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:28 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • You need to explain to your mom that she had her time to raise children and this is yours. Tell you that you and your children love her, but if she can't accept your style of parenting, then she may not have the privelege of spending time with her grandchildren
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 10:34 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • You need to let your mother know that you're the parent and that she cannot interfere. It just isn't her job. So what if she storms out. She needs to realize that it's your house and your rules. By her making excuses in front of the child it is just undermining you which encourages the child to disrespect you more.

    SylviaNCali

    Answer by SylviaNCali at 10:37 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • My mom can also be difficult, but i let her know when she is pushing me. We have gotten into tiffs, and it is more complicated since we live together. But you need to let your Mom know that this is how you want to raise your children. And she needs to respect your rules ( except maybe that cookie before dinner when you are at your moms, but thats half the fun of being grandma ) And about her treating your two children differently, i know i don't have two children, but i wouldn't let that happen. Well good luck, sorry about the situation.
    LunarEclipse

    Answer by LunarEclipse at 2:59 AM on Jul. 18, 2009