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Anyone else ever feel like a failure? I gave birth last sunday and it seems that nothing went right.

Also I'm having issues breast feeding so we supplement with formula and that makes me feel even more like a failure. Even though I am so very blessed with a healthy child and the best husband in the world, I still feel like I could have/should have done things better (I couldn't give birth vaginally, the pushing just didn't work and my b/p kept getting higher so after 4 hours of pushing they did a c-section, after having been induced for nearly 3 days before I got to the pushing stage). Anyway, any help/thoughts/suggestions? Please nothing rude I am really feeling like a complete failure as a mother so far.

 
finallyamom40

Asked by finallyamom40 at 2:44 AM on Jul. 18, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

Level 3 (24 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • I am probably old enough to be your mother, but I can so relate to what you are saying. I was induced for 3 days with my oldest son.....and didn't dilate at all....I was 0. I had toxemia, and my blood pressure shot up, so they did an emergency c-section. Then I had an infection and was on medication, so they didn't want me to breastfeed. But I did have a perfect healthy son. I felt like such a failure as a mother and a woman. I ended up having all of my boys c-section. So, I never got to experience a natural birth. It bothered me for years.

    You know what though? I have found there are some advantages to a c-section...and I have a great relationship with each of my beautiful sons, so I've learned that there's more to being a mother than just how you give birth. Believe me I understand your feelings, but try not to be hard on yourself. Enjoy your new baby.....and later you will enjoy certain advantages, and congratulations!!
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 2:51 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • If you couldnt have a vaginal delivery that isnt your fault....three days of labor sounds like one strong woman and one great mommy to me. As for breastfeeding, it gets easier...I struggled for three weeks with my DD. Have you tried a nipple shield, they are amazing!!
    Mikayla_lynn

    Answer by Mikayla_lynn at 2:46 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • You are not a failure. :) Congratulations on your little one. I was induced with my first and ended up with a csection. I also had problems nursing. I went to a lactation consultant and they helped tremendously. Have you talked to one yet? Give yourself time and lots and LOTS and LOTS of rest.
    Respect yourself. This is not a competition and it isn't a win/lose succeed/fail scenario. It is a personal journey. Your journey is simply different. I do understand how you feel and I promise, that goes a way.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:48 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • You only fail if tyou toss the baby out the window.

    Please drop by the Breastfeeding Moms group for help with the breastfeeding. I cannot tell you how many times moms are given poor information by medical personnel who should know better. Example: Milk can take six days to come in, and that's FINE. Colostrum is all baby needs and it can take a month to get back to birth weight, depending on what the birth weight was.

    I'll be looking for you over on the group.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:21 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • Do you love your baby??? do you wish the best for him or her? then you are not a failure, if you coudlnt do a Vaginal Deliver, it isnt your fault. YOU DID THE BEST FOR UR KID, and that was a c section. if you couldnt breast feed, you are not alone, theres millions of healthy thriving babies fed of formula. i felt like a failure too when i weaned my baby after 5 months, every one kept telling me how i should keep going longer, but i just couldnt do it. maybe for selfish reasons... BUT my baby is growing, happy, healthy and cute!! lol. shes a good baby, and i love her. i would die for her i needed to. im sure you would do the best for you baby too... i dont see any failure in that. you probably just have the baby blues... specially if you are 1st time mom.... tell your DR. about this feelings before it turns into depression. im a 22 yr old mother of a 9 month old... 2 yr old.. and had experience with depression. Goodluck
    Bebe510

    Answer by Bebe510 at 3:28 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • Thanks to everyone! I know that when I feel anxious my son feels it too, so I am really trying to relax and know that since I do worry about being a good mommy must mean that I am doing okay. It's just very hard most of the time, but everytime I look at him I feel so much love that I just never want to let him go. :)
    finallyamom40

    Answer by finallyamom40 at 3:59 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • I wasnt able to have the birth that i was planning on and I had this feeling of failing. BUT the important part was that when it was said and done with my baby was and still is healthy and so am I. Breastfeeding is soooooo hard the first two weeks, jsut stay with it for 2 weeks and if you are having issues after that then go to formula (thats what i was told by my dr and the nurses when i gave birth). Once my milk came in and my nipples felt like they had been pounded with a meat malet, things werent so frustrating and i felt better about giving birth, baby in general and myself. Dont be hard on yourself just enjoy your little one right now, mine is 14 wks and I wish I had those first two weeks back to just enjoy w/o any worries
    ReneeLRS

    Answer by ReneeLRS at 4:53 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • i was 34 weeks pregnant, went into labor and less than an hour of being in labor i had a c-section....my son spend 6 days in the nicu....i didnt need to be fulfilled by the actual labor process, i just wanted my son to be ok...he was 4 lbs 11 oz and could eat or keep is temperature up...i was lucky though....6 days in the hospital wasnt that bad...i couldnt breastfeed....i was so sick after i had him that i was on 5 different pills to make me feel better and they dried me up....its normal to feel left out of the big i had a vaginal delivery group....but as long as your baby is healthy....you did your job...hell a vaginal delivery hurts.....you had major surgery and not to many people can say that...your recovery time is longet, you have this huge road ahead of you....your baby....the way you delivered doesnt make you any less of a woman...the way you handle it does...
    Mamaof2boys0709

    Answer by Mamaof2boys0709 at 7:01 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • First, a baby is a baby no matter how it got here! not having a vaginal delivery doesn't mean you don't still have a baby! Second, hormones after a baby can really toy with your mind! If it gets worse, talk to your doctor about what you've been feeling. finally, don't worry about the breastfeeding. it'll get easier and just because you are supliment now doesn't mean you always will. I supplimented for two weeks then the doc had me to back to just breastmilk. As the baby gets bigger, he/she will get better at nursing.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:14 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • Dont worry about how you gave birth!
    You can't change that, and if your baby is healthy then who cares.
    as for breastfeeding, keep trying, and try not to supplement. that will only make your supply decrease! keep on truckin
    BambiF

    Answer by BambiF at 9:38 AM on Jul. 18, 2009