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Have you been raped?

I'm about to have the big talk with my 13 year old daughter about precausion. I'd like to have examples to show her from real women. Maybe your pain could help educate a little girl and keep her safe. What happened and how could it possibly have been prevented? Were there warning signs that you could have seen ahead of time but didn't? Any helpful information or advice on approaching this subject.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:54 AM on Jul. 18, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (17)
  • Yes I have. I went to a hotel with a guy I knew and we were watching tv. Then he raped me while I screamed and cried. My mother had tole me to never go into a hotel room alone with a man and I didn't listen. I was 22 at the time. I totally was not expecting it. We had never kissed or anything. We just worked together that is all.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:58 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • I went to school with a guy that use to beat me up and then rape me. If I went with it he wouldn't hurt me as badly. He told me if I ever told anyone he would kill me. Tell her its ALWAYS ok to talk to your parents! ALWAYS. I knew but I was so afraid! Now when I look back I think there is so much I could have done differently.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:01 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • When I was a little girl by our neighbor
    looovemybabies

    Answer by looovemybabies at 3:03 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • I was raped by my step brother every night for two years. Every night I knew it was coming and didnt say a word, most of the time I just layed there and pretended to sleep, Im not sure why I didnt say anything, and why I didnt just scream because my parents were right down the hall. And when I did finally tell my step mom called me a liar and a whore. You can never protect her fully...she could be walking down the street, or some one close to her. All you can do is make sure she knows she can talk to you, and that if something like that was to happen to her, that its NOT her fault and that she cant keep it bottled inside.
    Mikayla_lynn

    Answer by Mikayla_lynn at 3:15 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • thankfully i havent..and reading these posts made me cry (and im soooo not an emotional person)...thats so sad! i cant even imagine!!
    alexis_06

    Answer by alexis_06 at 3:30 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • Make sure she knows that she can come to you, and you will believe her and be her champion. I was by my uncle, and when I finally told someone, they called my family and told them I was spreading lies. I was beaten, and it still continued until I ran away. I've never been able to completely talk about it, and I wish I had had one person then that I could've gone to and talked with. Always keep an open communication with her, and if something does happen, let her know that no matter what you will still love her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:36 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • Yes, I have been twice. The first time was when I was in the 6th grade. I stayed at my friends house longer then I was suposed to, and was hurrying home and I knew I was going to get in trouble. A man who I thought looked familiar offered me a ride and I accepted thinking I would get home faster. I didn't get home faster and was to scared to tell anyone because I would have got in more trouble for taking a ride from a stranger. I got grounded for a week. I went into a really bad depression and ended up "going rebel" as a way to deal with it. I started drinking and using drugs. The last time I was raped was Dec. 14, 1993, I was 15 years old and was held captive by my friends drug dealer, and raped repeatedly at knife point for 28 hours. One of my friends figured out what was going on and called the cops and the police rescured me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:50 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • I'm the PP, I wanted to share something you may not have thought of yet. Instead of sharing other people's horror stories with your daughter, how about empowering her by signing her up for a self defense class? It's something that you could both do together.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:53 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • I agree with Anon 2:53 a.m. I am not sure that by showing her details of "real examples" that you would be preparing her or giving her fear that one day this could happen to her (and yes it could, but we do have to be age-appropriate.) I do agree that you need to talk to her, but also that no matter what, that she can talk to you, that it's never the child's fault, and that you will believe her no matter what.

    I am so sorry for what all of you have been thru, especially the ones who continued to suffer, because no one defended you after you bravely spoke up for yourself!
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 7:23 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • Yes...but I have something else to say. What I would want your daughter to know is that love to a girl means giving herself to a man in an emotional way...and sometimes we get confused and think that if we give ourselves physically to a man, we're displaying the ultimate show of love. But guys don't see it like that. They're just horny. He may really care about you but he wants to have sex with you because as a teen and even as an adult, he's just wired for sex. I don't think any woman is prepared for the hurt that comes from being dumped after having sex- be it rape, a one night stand, a bf or a guy who dates you until he gets you- in the end, you're left a little less whole because sex is something more than sex for us. Many of the women who would say sex is sex are probably running from emotional pain- I know because I felt that once too. I'm not saying wait- but I really wish I had at least waiting in HS and most college.
    mrs_pulley

    Answer by mrs_pulley at 8:20 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

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