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I have NO idea how to handle this situation anymore

I had my one year old son with a guy that I was just FWB with. We never went to court but agreed to just work things out ourselves. While I was pregnant he began dating a girl that had serious jealusy issues with me about this guy. He was a jerk to me after that so we didn't speak for the rest of my pregnancy except when necessary. So cut to after the birth, he came for short visits once in awhile. He gave me money each month. It worked out for me I didn't have to see him alot and he was helping with bills. and then I began giving him our son for the day once a week or every other when he was about 8 months. Never overnight b/c he parties alot and lives with this girl now. So now it has been about 4 months of this and I am having a hard time with it. He now puts up alot of pictures of my son with his g/f on his online profile, and she does the same...I will continue in a response...

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:26 AM on Jul. 18, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (15)
  • He doesn't sound like the most responsible father. It is in the best interest of your child to file for child support.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 9:30 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • This is why one should be in a committed relationship or *gasp* married before they start "playing with fire!" This poor child is goingto grow up being tossed around from mom to dad and dad girlfriends....great stability!

    Hire a lawyer, get him in a courtroom, establish child support payments, and go about your life.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:31 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • Now we also talked about not having our son around his friends, bc like I said I used to be friends with my sons father, and know his gf and all of his friends ,they were my friends at one point. I cut off contact with all of them bc they were all really disrespectful awful guys. So now he has pictures of all of these guys with my son and one of these guys I previously dated. It is like he has no respect for me at all now, knowing this would KILL me and he does it anyways. Not only that we got an extra car seat base so he could take him to his family's house and he totally abuses that bc he drives our son everywhere, out shopping and just unecessary places. On top of it all when we first began the visits he would put our son down for a nap on his tummy which I told him NOT to do. Basically my point is that he has very little respect and I dont know how to raise a child with someone who will not...(cont.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:31 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • (OP continued.)communicate with me at all. I just want to be able to discuss what we each feel is best but instead he just tells me OKAY I will do that, and then does whatever he wants. Now he is asking for FULL weekend overnight visits. I have tried to tell him how he has no room for the baby, he lives in a small one bedroom, and also that I am not hapy with how his girlfriend is acting in this situation. It is almost like he wants me to go away and pretend that this is THEIR child. It is making me feel very upset bc I want my son to see his father regulary and I know I cannot control every situation but there has to be a way to work it out. I know if we go to court they will just continue on with the visits and child support , which is what we are already doing. I dont want him to NOT visit with his father. I am just at a loss of exactly how much I am overreacting .Maybe someone can give me their input???Thanks!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:35 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • "::::This is why one should be in a committed relationship or *gasp* married before they start "playing with fire!" This poor child is goingto grow up being tossed around from mom to dad and dad girlfriends....great stability!::::"

    I suppose that would have been helpful prior to me getting pregnant 2 years ago lol. I do not live in the past. I have made mistakes but I would never say my son is a mistake. He is the best thing to ever happen to me. He made me grow up and get my prioroties straight. He also made me realize what I want in a man instead of hanging around a guy that will never treat me right even after he gets me pregnant. But that is not the issue. The issue is the present moment. I am sorry that you are one of those people that obviously lives in the past but I do not have a time machine. moving on....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:39 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • First you need to go to court and get all the child support and visitation stuff official.  So if he stops paying you, you can get him.


    About what he does when he has his son. Well that is his time with him.  You can not control what he does. Unless he's is doing something that will harm your son.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 9:40 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • OP - I am going through the same thing .. send me a message and we can talk about it!
    NOLAmommaKRYS

    Answer by NOLAmommaKRYS at 9:42 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • First - seek legal counsel and get a parenting plan IN WRITING and filed with the court. Second, no matter how uncomfortable you are with the situation, there is NOTHING you can do about what your ex does or WHO he does it with while your child is in his care. First, you need to accept that. It can take years, but you need to let go of the desire to control the situation. Once he takes your child for visitation, you have no control, so telling him what to do won't change anything. I know how you feel, trust me, but you need to be able to let go of your emotions on this one - he's going to do what he's going to do, with his girlfriend, and there's NOTHING you can do, legally or otherwise, to stop it unless they endanger the child. Welcome to my life. Get a visitation schedule in writing and stick to it like glue for 1st 2 years, then start flexing it. But you need to let go of the emotions - they're only HURTING YOU. Good luck.
    JPsMommy605

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 9:44 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • "::::This is why one should be in a committed relationship or *gasp* married before they start "playing with fire!" This poor child is goingto grow up being tossed around from mom to dad and dad girlfriends....great stability!::::"

    Oh please you judgmental pig. ALL of the worst relationships I've ever seen were between couples that were married. Being married or in a committed relationship is no guarantee that everything will be peaches and cream. This situation could easily have happened if they were married. It's all in the person you choose to be with and their values and morals.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:53 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • You NEVER just work it out together. EVER. You need to protect the child and yourself. Get an attorney, get custody and child support in writing and filed with the courts. You need a visitation schdeule that is best for the child.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 9:55 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

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