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What would you do?

What would you do if your husband came up to you and said I want to be a woman? What if he admits that he knows it is wrong but he can't help how he feels? Would you be ok with it? Would you make him wait until the kids are grown at least? Would you leave? What?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:43 AM on Jul. 18, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • First I would laugh. That's what I did when I read your Post." For better or for worse" does not mean this to me. I would get a divorce. I married him as a man and that is what I want to be with a man, not a wo-man.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 9:48 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • To me that's as bad as finding out about my husband hardcore addition to porn. Both are things that will not be grown out of and can not be switched off. Neither of our own problems are ok to be alright with either. It's impossible for something like this be put aside and overlooked no matter where you are. You can be alirght with it away separated or divorced from your husband but to live with him with a life change permanently than who you thought he was originally can never be lived with comfortably. I'd divorce but if your heart inclusive of the different ways lives are made and lived in the real world then I'd remain friends, neighbors. You'll never feel good staying married.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:51 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • Is just wanting to change his body, or is he wanting to change "teams" so to speak & start being with men too?
    If he still fully loves me & wants to be with me, he just needs this physical change to feel more himself (err herself) I think I would stay. AS LONG AS the only thing that is changing is his looks.
    For us a big thing in my head would be WE CANT AFFORD IT! I mean if anyone is going to get surgery it will be getting these boobs lifted! LOL... Your just gonna have to wait in line, 'sissy!' haha...
    MommaTasha1003

    Answer by MommaTasha1003 at 10:50 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • If he's saying he knows it's wrong but wants it anyway, I'd tell him to get some therapy to determine the source of those feelings before anything else. Self-loathing is not a good place to be under any circumstance. Changing genders is a long process that starts with heavy-duty therapy, so why not be supportive of that to begin with and tackle subsequent factors in turn? I love the guy (one assumes) and I want him to be happy.
    Fistandantalus

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 11:27 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • How can anyone say that their true feelings are wrong? If he wants to be a woman, and feels he should be, then that is his choice. It is unfortunate that it will likely cause a severe disturbance in the family, but he should not be cast out or ridiculed for being true to himself. It would be better if he could wait until the children were older so they could understand his plight. Remember that him telling you was probably the hardest thing he ever had to do. And he will have a very difficult time being accepted by his current friends and family as the new him/her. Try to understand his needs and see if there is a way to work it out so it is the least painful for all involved. Good luck :)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:03 PM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • Well, since I have no desire to live with another woman, we'd likely split up. I'd hope I could be understanding and caring, but I'm sure I'd also be angry and feel duped.

    Our son is only 15 months, so I don't know that I could in good conscience make him wait 18 years. Our son would have two mommies. *sigh* I wouldn't like it, but I'd work with it for my son's sake.

    Though, I have to say, my husband would make one heck of an ugly chick.
    Avarah

    Answer by Avarah at 2:53 PM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • did this really happen or is this another posting to see how we react?
    LadyAronna

    Answer by LadyAronna at 2:58 PM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • LadyAronna - I am partly trying to see how others would react but I have dealt with it and I know of at least one other Cafemom member who is going through it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:57 PM on Jul. 18, 2009

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