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My 10 y.o daughter has not started developing yet and most of her friends have. She is very self-conscious about it. We have tears at least 3 nights a week. She won't take her school jumper off even in summer because everyone will know she is flat-chested. She is begging me to let her buy a training bra with SMALL padding. I am in two minds, what do u think?

I have already said to her all the things you would expect, we are all different, there is no "normal", etc but NOTHING helps. I have bought her a book about puberty etc to read and ask questions which she loves but still doesn't help her accept that she will need to wait until her body is ready. In frustration and because it upsets me to see her so worried about this at age 10!!, I told her that if she still hasn't developed when she is about to start hight school (in 2 1/2 years) then I will buy her a training bra with SMALL padding. I thought this had helped but now she is begging me to let her do this now.


Asked by seemssimple at 10:02 AM on Jul. 18, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (23)
  • I would buy her the padded bra if it makes her feel better.It's a phase that will pass.My now 15 yo old was a late bloomer( you should see her now...LOL) We bought the padded bra.It wasn't a topic she shared among her peers but she felt more relaxed around them.It is tuff being a girl and girls can be so cruel to one another.she will look back and laugh one day but she will also remember her Mommy was there for her.*Hugs*


    Answer by moomers at 2:12 PM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • You know she is still young and will start the change in her own time.I think you should just stick to the waiting game. If you give in to this, if she does not develop big enough breasts that she likes. She will be asking for breast enhancement in her teens.


    Answer by louise2 at 10:08 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • This is what happens in such a sexist society! This poor girl is too young to be having such body image issues! You should really stick to your guns, though. Try to teach her that breasts do not = beautiful. I wouldn't get her the bra until you said you would, or until she does start getting some boobies. Just hang in there....

    Answer by motherofanaries at 10:09 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • buy her the bra. My daughter was two years older than her one friend and well she had them her friend didn't. Lots of tears from both. Her mom bought her sports bras and all was fine.

    Answer by pagirl71 at 10:10 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • I would be thrilled that my daughter wasn't developing early despite that's how it was for me too. I think girls these days are physically maturing way too early. But I get why your daughter is so upset. I didn't start developing breasts until I was 12 and that's when I started my menstrual too - everyone else started maturing about a year earlier. I got made fun of all the time because I didn't have "boobies" - mainly from the boys. I would pad my training bra and one day I got caught, some of the padding came out. It was the most embarrassing thing.

    I think you just need to keep talking with your daughter about this. Tell her that her feelings are valid but that she needs to wait for her body to change on it's own. That buying a padded bra isn't going to solve anything. She's only 10. There is no reason for a 10 year old to be wearing a padding bra, training or not. She's still a little girl.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:18 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • I agree the first 2 and the last.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:23 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • You might also let her talk to your ob/gyn or her ped (if you trust the pedi to help) about her body and how every body changes on its own. MY daughter started wearing a training bra at 8 (yes she ahd boobies) and it was hard for her cause she was the only girl with boobies now its not so bad though and shes starting to like the idea of looking for pretty girly underwear. Just wait dont buy her a padded bra if she absolutely wants one get her a couple of sports bras she will feel like her friends do even though shes not quite there yet! just help her wait!!!

    Answer by elananme at 10:26 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • I would let her buy a padded bra.. If it was just occasional upset, then I wouldnt be so bothered by it... But if my daughter was upset over it daily & it was possibly effecting her school life & her overall happiness then id get her the bra. . As for the breast implant comment.. I dont think this will LEAD to that... Most girl now days want to change their breast. If they are big they want to perk them up. if they are small they want them bigger. Its just the thing now. But going through a SURGERY is serious! Putting on a padded bra in the morning is not serious.. Its like putting on boots/heels to make you taller, makeup to cover up blemishes or pimples. hair coloring to bring out your face...

    Good Luck with your lil girl! :) the hardest yrs are be the best yrs!


    Answer by MommaTasha1003 at 11:03 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • maybe you should let her have the bra, make her feel comfortable and confidant. no one wants to feel like they stick out.

    Answer by Rachel24517 at 11:15 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • Get her the bra, she will find out that without "boobies" to hold them into place it will be too un-comfortable to wear. Beleive me I know because I was also a late developer, LOL.

    Answer by higherboundmom at 11:57 AM on Jul. 18, 2009