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behavior issues

my son is 5. lately he has been acting up a lot. doesn't want to do this or that, which is not all that unusual for a kid, i know. we just got back from vacation and i know he's tired. but i can't take his acting out anymore. for example, today we were supposed to go to the library. he decided he didn't want to, but we put him in the car and went anyway, thinking he would give in. he didn't he refused to get out of the car. my dh went in and got a library card while ds and i sat in the car. i explained how dissapointed i was, how i really wanted to get some books, etc. what could i do? i can't physically force a 5 year old to go into a library. i told him we were going straight home and no tv for him today. he said he would beat me up. lol. we had plans to do more than just the library, but since it wasn't looking like he'd cooperate w/ anything we just came home. this is just an example. help, please!


Asked by Anonymous at 1:29 PM on Jul. 18, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • OMG, can't believe the nerve of some of you. Who makes you judge and jury of this Mom? She seemed to be asking for advice on how others deal with similar situations, but as usual on CM there are bashing and insults.
    Goodluck OP. Kids will be kids. If there is nothing bothering your child, ie: stress at school, an earcahe even can be the cause of behavioral problems, if this is just something recently happening ....... it's probably a phase and he'll get over it. Walk away for a bit. Then Sit and talk to him when things calm down. Listen to what your child has to say. Communication - both ways- is what's needed here. Not a bunch of holier than thou people you don't know critisizing you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:52 PM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • You are the parent. You are in control. You CAN force a child to go into the library. You can tell him his behavior is unacceptable & give him a spanking.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:34 PM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • Okay, I see a few things youre doing that might be contributing. First youre letting him call the shots. Yes you CAN physically force a 5 yr old into wherever youre going. I would have dealt with the issue at home first. I would have said....Okay, in one hour, we are going to the library so go get your shoes and get prepared. Then when the fits started, you simply say...well, this is what I need to do for me. Is there something you would like to do to? If he gives you an answer, then you let him know that you will do what he likes too, but first we are going to the library. He doesnt get a choice..hes a child. Then when he threw a fit, he got his way. You went home. So now, he knows all he has to do is act like a brat and you will be too embarrassed to take him in so he gets to go home and if my child ever told me he would beat me up......well, lets just say it wouldnt be pretty. My children do not speak to me disrespectfully.

    Answer by momofsaee at 1:36 PM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • cont...well, they do but they dont do it but once. The punishment for talking to me like that is very severe. Children need boundaries and given few choices. Hes five...why does he get to decide what the entire house hold is doing? You prepare him for what you have planned, tell him in advance, then compromise with him by letting him know you will be happy to do what he wants as well as long as he cooperates with you. Then honor your end of the deal. Now both of you have missed out on the library, which could have been fun because you let him win. Until he can decide to cooperate, he gets NO choices about where to go and what to do. You plan his days and he goes. If he chooses to misbehave, then he gets consequences. What consequences you invoke is your decision. I believe in spanking but I dont think thats for everyone for every situation. Anyway, thats just my thoughts about it. Youre the mom!! Good luck.

    Answer by momofsaee at 1:39 PM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • OP here: first of alll, no i CANNOT force him out of the car and drag him in anywhere!! please, get real about that. cps would be after me in a heartbeat if anyone witnessed that. i don't spank. but i did today and feel like crap about it. i DO give him choices, i DID say we would do something he wanted to do. obviously i AM the parent, duh. like i said in my original question, today was an example. EXAMPLE! there have been other behavior issues when he just flat out refuses to give in and i WILL NOT force him. what would that do? make the situation worse imo.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:43 PM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • It might make the situation worse for the time being, but in the future it shows that you are the parent and will not give into his tantrums. An out of control five year old is obnoxious, but an out of control 10 year old would be terrible and very hard to deal with! I doubt CPS would be after you, I have forced children I baby-sit either into or our of a store while they threw fits, and the worst I have got is looks like I am a terrible parents, but no cops or anything.

    Answer by rachel_817 at 2:24 PM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • OP--clearly you do not want to hear REASONABLE advice from another poster--who implores the same tactics as I do, and my children (ages 7 and 5) comply. If you refuse to heed the advice of those of us who have been there, done that, and learned a thing or two about handling disrespect and behavior issues, then just keep doing what you're doing, and good luck!

    Not setting boundaries and expectations is only going to get far worse! You "lol" when he said he would "beat you up?!" Where does a 5 year old child even learn phrases like that--unless he hears it on TV, video games, or older kids in the neighborhood.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:30 PM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • I have to agree with other posters.

     #1 at this age, you can force him to go places he doesn't want to. Once you do it a couple of times he will get the message loud and clear.

    #2 CPS will no go after you because your child has a tantrum in public.

    #3 If you don't want to spank him, don't. You have other alternatives. But for a five year old they need to be immediate.  No TV this afternoon is a long way off when you're five. Telling him you're sorry he doesn't want to go to the library, but he is going is right now.

    #4 Him saying he will beat you up isn't LOL.  It's disrespectful. If he got any indication you think it's funny he will continue saying it and worse.



    Answer by MAUREEN55 at 4:05 PM on Jul. 18, 2009