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is joint custody a right? or does it have to be earned?

i am divorcing an alcoholic, and there has been some crazy things happen with my baby. he ended up in PICU and while i was trying to consult his father, he informed me he had been drinking bacardi 151 because he was upset his son was in the hospital. DO I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS? WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO CONFER WITH SOMEONE WHO CAN'T STAY SOBER IN THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT TO MAKE IMPORTANT DECISIONS IN MY SON'S LIFE? he also had him baptized (by his mother in a "catholic" way" ) without my consent since we have split up. IS SOLE CUSTODY HARD TO OBTAIN?

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Asked by Anonymous at 2:21 PM on Jul. 18, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (6)
  • I think you have to prove he is a unfit parent to get sole custody..Being an alcoholic is a good reason to me. Talk to a Laywer.


    Answer by louise2 at 2:26 PM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • no its not bring up the drinking, and asked for his visits to be supervised till he get treatment. i have 50/50 custody of my daughter it was my idea, its not perfect but i wanted her more then 2 days every other week. the main thing is you must have physical custody of your daughter/or son. then you will get soul custody. my x had my daughter i got hosed. good luck

    Answer by 16thmoon at 2:27 PM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • As far as contacting him, all you have to do is inform him legally, there is no reason for chit chat. He can call the docs to find out specifics. Document everything !! EVERYTHING !! File for full custody with plenty of documented proof that he is a bad dad !! Good luck !!


    Answer by strongmom40 at 2:30 PM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • OP HERE. i have a restraining order on him (he threatened to kill me while he was drunk through text messages) and i tried to get supervised visitation because he punched me on fathers day when i picked up my son. he signed a clause that says that our son is not allowed to be exposed to anyone under the influence of anything, and we are meeting at the substation for the exchange. i didn't realize that i had to consult with him about my son's medical decisions, etc, and it disturbs me, especially since when the incident happened, he was more concerned with blaming me, then being concerned for my son's wellbeing. i am tired of it, and he has promised to let our son know how much of a "whore" and a "liar" his mother is, and that he will know why we are divorcing. (actually divorcing because of physical violence) i am consulting a lawyer monday, but i was just concerned that it would be hard to prove him unfit.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:33 PM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • Well I have asked a custody question on here and I was told that basically there aint sh*t I can do about the father of my child, he can basically do whatever he wans with my child, and any girls around him and heck could have him join a circus and there isnt much i can do...except inteh case of alcohal or drugs. that is what everyone keeps telling me. so it sounds lke you will be okay if you have some proof. No judge would let an alochalic have visits alone with a child without first getting serious help.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:59 PM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • You have to prove the father is an unfit parent and that having any type of custody would be harmful to the child. Get an attorney, keep track of everything that the father does and says. Everytime he shows up under the influence of alcohol, document dates and times. Custody issues vary state to state, so any info here is general, you really need an attorney. Good luck.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:54 PM on Jul. 18, 2009

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