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My 14 year old daughter has just recently started asking me about sex. We have had the talks, she had a class at school....but now she says that it just doesnt seem to be "that big of a deal" and she also watches "secret life of the american teenager" on fox family channel. She has two pregnant 16 year olds at her school who from what she tells me go to school normally and are not having to difficult of a time.It seems like watching this show and ppl at school has glamorized the situation for her. Maybe these kids are getting alot of attention at school. Now she wants to put on makeup and is upset she does not have a boyfriend. She has always been stubborn but now she seems to WANT to have sex, and she is barely a teenager. I am freaking out here. I tried to explain to her what sex really is and what can come of it but its like she wants to figure it out herself. I expected this someday but not at 14 years old! HELP!!!!

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Asked by Anonymous at 5:51 PM on Jul. 18, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (23)
  • Sounds like you have accessed the situation well and you are lucky she is so open with you.

    I would find her one of those REAL baby baby dolls and let her care for it for several days, maybe a to her about the true consequences of sex. Tell her that you are not trying to stop her from having a good time, that you are trying to stop her from getting in trouble or having a serious consequence that you cant take back.

    Life is hard for teens these days, sex has become so casual and they are just doing what everyone else is doing. Its hard to go against the grain and choose not to have sex.

    Keep talkin and teaching mom, maybe you can get through to her.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:55 PM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • Unfortunately you can't stop her if she chooses to have sex. You can't be with her 24/7.  Just keep explaining the ultimate responsibility of taking care of a child and how that will impact her young life.  And make sure she knows what a condom is and how to use it and to always have one at the ready.  Most importantly, make sure she understands that if some guy says he won't date her unless she has sex that's not the kind of guy she wants to be her boyfriend. Good luck.


    Answer by Madge1428 at 5:56 PM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • Well said, Madge! Also, it might be a good idea to take her to get a gyn evaluation and birth control. It would be better than her coming home pregnant and saying that she didn't realize it could happen to her.

    Answer by Bmat at 6:05 PM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • I agree with anon. Shoot let her spend a DAY with 1 of my kids. She'll never wanna have sex!

    Answer by ChaoticSoul at 6:11 PM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • at least shes talking to you about this stuff. get her some birth control!! BTW, i lost my virginity when i was 13 and im only 22, so it wasnt really that long ago. i remember my mom telling me when i was younger that some guys will say anything to get you to have sex with them, they will even tell you they love you. and she was right. but i made mistakes anyway, because i wanted to learn for myself. thats what life is about, experiencing & learning for yourself.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 6:12 PM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • I agree, it would prob be a good idea to get her on b/c. Hopefully she doesn't have sex for at least a couple more years if even just one... but it is better to help her prevent a baby. I might lean more for STD scare than baby however, those are scarier (I thought anyways) because they are with you forever and you really don't know who has them!
    As far as the makeup, she is in middle school and a lot of girls start wearing it a lot younger! Explain how quickly wrinkles develop and get her eye shadows, lip gloss and a compact with foundation that she can use instead of liquid makeup. Let her try that and see how she does. My mother did that for me and explained how expensive it is, so I only used it on occasions. (She went for Clinique everything)
    These are just my opinions....
    Good Luck!

    Answer by 07lilmama1108 at 6:19 PM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • I guess I have to count my blessings, LOL. Seriously though sad to hear that but it's natural. Have dad step in and help you, they are the best educators to girls when it comes to SEX, the talk and lessons. They tell it like it is and I feel girls that have had dad talk to them from the time they were little about this better prepare their daughters for all this stuff. Sorry to say it and hate to admit it they do a better job than us where that is concerned, LOL. Also have her babysit some kids so she can get that baby fever out of her system. Good Luck.

    Answer by milmiracle at 6:31 PM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • I'd try to find a good video about the birthing process and watch it with her. Most tv shows glean over that part and it doesn't look like a big deal. Giving her a good dose of the reality of giving birth may open her eyes. Having the talk isn't quite the same as letting her see it for herself.

    Answer by desert_diva at 6:32 PM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • Birth control may or may not keep her from getting pregnant, condoms may or may not keep her from getting STD's. Explain to her that there's nothing she can use to protect her heart! Kids don't understand the long term emotional or physical effects and the culture is working against you. One research project found that about 25% of 14 year olds had already had 4 or more partners. The majority of the college students I teach regret their early sexual encounters and wish they had waited for a multitude of reasons. Maybe you could have her talk to a mature young adult that she looks up to. You could also send her to the store w/an imaginary budget and let her "buy" formula, diapers, etc. Every child is different and you know best what will work with your child. Good for you for paying attention and being involved! Don't give up on her!

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:43 PM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • There are a few things you can do to curb her from these activities at an early age. 1. Don't get her a real doll. Find a friend that has a child (one that is mobile but also needs to be bottle fed) and have her take care of it under your supervision (taking care of a real child is totally different than one of those dolls). If you have NetFlix get "The Business of being Born", if you don't I think you can find it on If after these such things she still thinks having a baby is a WONDERFUL thing..get her to the GYN for an exam and birth control (and unfortunately you may have to supervise to make sure she is taking it properly). Lastly, talk to her as much as you can. Ask her questions about her day, who she hung out with and what they did.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:15 PM on Jul. 18, 2009

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