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does anyone else have to coach themselves through everday life. everyday marriage

for example my dh has monday and tuesday off and im already telling myself that i need to be nice..yes its embrassing but im not a sweet person all the time... i have to coach myself into wanting to patient.. why is this so hard for me . i have no clue..im working on it.. i want to enjoy our two family days... but there is so much that needs to be done.. i want to clean and have him take our toddler to the park. im alot nicer when i have a clean house..we share a car so i would like my son to go to a different park..one thats nt walking distance..but naturally im in some ways very negative i get tired easily..is anyone else like this? and i have noticed that our weekends go better when they are planned..we dont waste our time.. and my dh is the same way.. moody and bitchy but its weird when plan fun and chores we get along better...am i am big weirdo

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:09 PM on Jul. 19, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • Oh yes, very much so. And it has made me a better person, I feel. I love my husband, so I have to consciously be what I want a wife of his to be like- a kind and good person, and the same thing when I work, I can be feeling really mean or headachy but I make myself behave in front of the classes as if I am the happiest person around. And sometimes, sometimes I find that my spirits really do lift.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 2:22 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

  • I do that all the time, I never thought it was a big deal, you are just trying to make yourself a better person. My husband is really bad for procrastinating and I used to nag him about it but I hate doing that so I constantly tell myself not to and just let the consequences of delaying be punishment enough. Another thing I have to coach myself on is about our days off together too, we don't have a lot of shared activities we both like so we end up spending tons of time doing nothing and trying to decide what to do which makes me crazy. So when I know we are going to have time off together I try and have a list of things I think we would both like to do so we don't get frustrated. There is nothing wrong with doing things like that.
    Noworktodo

    Answer by Noworktodo at 2:35 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

  • I have the same problem, your question actually sounds like myself and my SO to the T. We plan our days even have check lists of things to do on my SO's days off. It also helped me to talk to my SO about my feelings about us "bickering", I try to also get my SO to talk to me about his feelings, but we are still working on him opening up. We discuss what our roles are in our relationship and each one of us pulls our own weight, that is what works for us at this point. Also I figure out what helps us get along, and what causes us to fight. I try my best to do things that will cause us to draw closer to each other, and avoid doing things that make us fight. And that does sounds WAY easier then it actually is.
    lilmama4d_j

    Answer by lilmama4d_j at 2:47 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

  • I'm not a planner, just a doer but I clean house when I know no one is going to be around. I never do it when SO is here. I devote 100% of my time to just him when he's here. I do have to remind myself to be nice though and to not take things personally when someone sticks their foot in their mouth and says something that could lead to an argument.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:01 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

  • Yes, I am that way too. My husband, on the other hand, is the complete opposite. I definitely have to "coach" myself to remain sweet and loving and not to complain about how this or that needs to be done (preferably in a timely manner). When it comes down to it, I know that he goes back to work on Monday and that I can have the house and the schedule back the way I like it then.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:50 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

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