Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What sort of questions do adopted children have for their birth mother?

I am a birthmother and I am working on a journal for my daughter who i placed for adoption when she was born. I'd like to know what kind of questions I can answer for her.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:55 PM on Jul. 19, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (15)
  • The biggest question is why she was put up for adoption. You could list your reasons why and what type of life you had hoped she would have with a more deserving family, a family that could provide the life and structure you hoped you would want her to have but that you were unable to give. You should write that she has never left your thoughts, she will always be your daughter no matter who has raised her. You could wish her hope, happiness, a bright future and when she is old enough to do so, come find you later if she wishes to meet you.
    lilbit022009

    Answer by lilbit022009 at 5:20 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

  • Truly, why did you give me to adoption? What was happening to you and/or around you at that particular time, in the news,life,to you,to the children in your family? What was it like at the hospital, did they treat you right? Were you in labor long,was the timing of my birth hard at that point in the year? How did you decide to give me up? Which way did you give birth? Did you have anesthesia/ saddle block,episiotomy,forceps,c-section,suction,did you have any bad bleeding? Were the doctors nice to you and me. What job in any were you working? Previous) after) Did you have a super hard life,were you raped/ beat/ were you in a bad situation? Why didn't you tell me who you were a long time ago? Did you have to give me up or was I taken away from you? do you know who I am? And if I was to have seen you or you see me, would you have said hello and I didn't know you? Did I meet you and talk for long and not know it? No room left....
    coffeeyum

    Answer by coffeeyum at 5:21 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

  • If I could ask my BM questions I'd ask her:
    Why she put me up?
    How did she cope with letting me go?
    How it affected the rest of the family? (She had a 2yr old son before me w her husband and I was the result of an affair)
    landensmommy411

    Answer by landensmommy411 at 5:29 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

  • But mostly I'd assure her that I was grateful for her decision because I know she sacraficed a lot and I ended up with a wonderful family and I would thank her for being so selfless to go through the pregnancy and give me life instead of aborting me. . I'd also like to know my medical history for my children (when I was pregnant that's what scared me the most was not knowing the genetic things that may be passed down)
    landensmommy411

    Answer by landensmommy411 at 5:31 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

  • Your DD will prob go through some rough moments but when she is older she will understand that what you did was what needed to be done for her best intrest. Your giving your daughter a priceless gift that she will adore forever. Explain things about yourself and who you are, what you like doing etc. And tell her who she looks like (like what traits are from you and so on) Things so she can feel connected to you
    landensmommy411

    Answer by landensmommy411 at 5:31 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

  • Think of all the things that you know about her and tell her those things. Like my big things were what my heritage is, what time I was born, who in the family gave me long gross toes, fun facts about family stories, how I was born (like I had placenta previa and had ro have a csection, did she have to too or was I born naturally?) Just fun information to fill in all the gaps
    landensmommy411

    Answer by landensmommy411 at 5:38 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

  • I want to know why I was put up for adoption. And what did they tell the other kids? They already had 4 kids when I was born. How did everyone deal with it.
    momma-flynn

    Answer by momma-flynn at 5:44 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

  • Definintely heritage and why you gave her up. Tell her the name of her birth father, his heritage, medical history that you know, what he was like (be respectful). If you know what she looks like, tell her who in her birth famiily she resembles and a little about them. Did you name her, if so what. Tell her about any cousins or siblings she has. I once heard an adoptee ask if we birth mothers think about our children on their birthdays.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 7:06 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

  • I keep a journal for my son... I basically write him letters every so often... LIke what's going on in my life.. my accomplishments.. that I thought of him, this "this" reminded me of him, that I miss him, etc.

    I'll even write about my pregnancy.. I tell him stories about how we would play while he was in my tummy..

    I hope this helps?
    rainfalls

    Answer by rainfalls at 11:38 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

  • You know.. I just went and read your answers.. and I would leave out questions your daughter/son may have.. She/he may not want to know.. and I think that should be something that's answered face to face.. something that needs to come from them.. when they're ready. By the time he/she may get your journal.. they may not be ready to "know."
    rainfalls

    Answer by rainfalls at 11:39 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.