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Any thoughts you would like to share on the subject of the differently abled having families??

As an example- those of us with Asperger's, or even those with low level IQs... or those with cerebral palsy, etc...
... asking partly cuz of the responses on another autism?? the other day, and also due to the situation of the poor mom in NJ whose child was removed from her care- due at least partly to her refusal of an emergency c-section. Who gets to make these decisions and why?? I did not *know* about my Asperger's when I had kids, so I do not know if it would have altered my decision making in any way- but I do not believe it would have. I struggle from time to time- but who doesn't. A NT mom will still have struggles with her kids- they are just different issues than the ones I deal with. Should someone get to say who *gets* to have and/or keep their children??? Why if so... who if so... would YOU want to have that job??... should anyone?? Maybe EVERYONE should have to *APPLY* to have kids- w/o a certificate of pass-no!


Asked by mtnmama111 at 6:48 PM on Jul. 19, 2009 in General Parenting

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This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • Wow, anon, you must be so proud of your education. She said that already. Too bad testing wasn't in place before you were born.


    Answer by roachiesmom at 8:47 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

  • As a highly intelligent person I like to think that my intelligence adds enough of a plus into the gene pool that my *quirkyness* doesn't detract more than it adds... If we were all the same- evolution would stop- and life would be boring. IMO

    Answer by mtnmama111 at 6:50 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

  • If the woman whose child was taken away was typical and she refused surgery for religious reasons people would have said that was her right. But because she is "disabled" they take her child away. That is discrimination...period.
    Now, rather than take her child away and place that baby into an already overburdened foster system, would it not have been wiser to get her support and services to help her raise the child safely?
    People with disabilites deserve support not discrimination.

    Answer by teamquinn at 6:52 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

  • In Holland, people with mental disabilities (I'm sure more severe than the typical case of Aspergers) used to be neutered so as to keep them from having children. I used to work for a woman whose first career move in Holland was working in a facility for higher functioning disabled adults. From the way she described her patients it was a good idea to neuter them. I do not think that the OP here, though, would fall in that category. I also don't think many people with Aspergers would fall in that category... but some would. Why keep spending the money we don't have on public assistance that isn't really necessary?

    Answer by preggoandfat at 6:59 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

  • OP, you must know that Asperger's is different than most other "disabilities". An individual with Asperger's can learn abstract concepts. Someone with an IQ of 50 can not. In reality, someone does get to say who *gets* to have and/or keep their children... but only after said person comes to attention of protective services and repeatedly fails to demonstrate a willingness or ability to learn how to properly care for their children.

    As for the NJ mom, there are so many more details in that case that we don't know. I am a social worker that works with moms that have young children up to age 3. Every case is full of intricacies and years of assessments by scores of individuals. Removing children is the last resort. Believe me, spend a year as a social worker and you'll stay awake at night thinking about the kids that weren't removed.


    Answer by MichiMomma at 7:26 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

  • cont...
    In case I sound burnt out or judgemental, let me add that I've had CPS at my house too - my daughter told her ballet teacher that she doesn't eat dinner as a way of avoiding doing chasse.

    To answer your question specifically, IMO, every case - including the differently abled - should be handled indivually, which it is. And yes, I do believe that parents should have to prove, certify or submit to something before taking home a baby that nobody's going to see again for 5 years. In my state, you have to have a license before you can catch a fish, but no one looks out for babies... pretty sad, huh?

    Answer by MichiMomma at 7:26 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

  • I believe there are some individuals who suffer from mental disabilities who shouldn't have kids. I know someone who's schizophrenic and suffers from severe paranoia who has a daughter. When she's on her meds she's able to think just fine, but then she decides she's all better and stops taking the medication and last time was arrested for attacking store clerks (I was one of the people attacked). She was hospitalized, re-medicated, and released. Once she was convinced aliens were trying to abduct her daughter so she wouldn't let the kid outside for a week, until a neighbor called social services. Although when medicated this women is the nicest person ever, her daughter shouldn't have to suffer and see her mother in and out of the psych ward because of the mental illness. I think it wouldn't been better had the woman not reproduced in the first place, or given the child up for adoption.

    Answer by ba13ygrl1987 at 7:27 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

  • I meant it would have been better, not wouldn't like I wrote...oops

    Answer by ba13ygrl1987 at 7:28 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

  • I didn't know about me when I had kids, either. If I had, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have had them. While they are both terrific kids and "normally wired" the idea of my terminal weirdness being something I could have given them genetically terrifies me. I'm not like you...I would give up all that makes me *me* in a heartbeat to be normal. I've been so ingrained by basically everyone I have ever been in contact with, in real life, that if I can't play the game like everyone else, there is simply no place for me in the world, and it's be better if I weren't wasting space in it. I've made a mess of everything, and every relationship, and in my area there is no way for me to get help (unless I want to get knocked up, because that makes so damn much sense.) So, in a perfect world, no I'm not for testing and getting to choose who is "normal" enough to pass (cont)..

    Answer by roachiesmom at 7:34 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

  • But this is not a perfect world, and no one should have to be like a lot of us there is some merit to returning to the days of exposing the damaged on mountaintops, or keeping them hidden away in basements and back rooms. Notice how fewer there of of us then.

    Answer by roachiesmom at 7:36 PM on Jul. 19, 2009