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How to get him to do SOMETHING!

I am a SAHM of two boys,one is 2 1/2 the other just turned 1. I take care of them both, cook ,clean, run errands, take the kids to their doctors appointments, literally EVERYTHING! Don't get me wrong I love my kids and love being here to take care of them, but my husband never helps me. He does work third shift, so throughout the week I try not to bother him unless I really really need the help, but he comes in from work half the time and stays up for hours playing xbox but cant come help me. Also on weekends I feel like he should help me try to get everything done while the kids are at their grandparents. And then he gripes and tells me that I need to not be stressed all the time, or even better, when he comes home and tells me that something needs cleaned or dishes need done.,I cant leave it until he does it. Any advice on how to get him to help me out. Sometimes i am so stresses I just want to sit down and cry!

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rebel_momma

Asked by rebel_momma at 7:02 PM on Jul. 19, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • Tell him what you just told us. You really need to TALK with your DH and have him understand that he helped you make these children he needs to help you raise them also.
    Mommy just incase you haven't heard this in a minute your doing a great job.
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 7:06 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

  • He needs down time, so he should be allowed to play a bit, but if he has time to play, he should also have time to help. He may feel that it is your job to take care of children and house. And I was in the same boat and know how exhausting it is, and I didn't have a car, so to get the car to take the children to the doctors and so forth, I had to get them out of bed and drive him to work, and then home again in the evening. It is really hard work for both of you. See if he'll watch the kids an hour every day, plus a half day on the weekends. He may very well take care of things you don't know about- say the car, heavy work, yard work, but you deserve a break. Suggest, in a caring, gentle voice, that he find an hour a day to watch HIS children while you put your feet up or take a walk or shop, and half a day on the weekend. If he says no, then as I suggested to the other mom, tell him that this means you must hire a sitter."
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 7:15 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

  • Just because he works doesn't mean he shouldn't have responsibilities. You both work so you both should be sharing the responsibiliies during the week. I don't understand why some men think just because a woman is a SAHM means she has to do everything. You work just as hard, or harder, and you need some time for yourself as well.

    A father should want to spend time with his kids EVERYDAY! My husband works 2 doubles -- and he also works an hour away so he goes into work at 1:30 p.m., comes home at 8 a.m. then he's out the door at 1:30 p.m. to 8 a.m. again. During that time span of 5 1/2 hours when he's home between doubles he stays up until 8:30 and sees our son, showers and sleeps. At 12 p.m. he's up and playing with our son until 12:45-1:00 and then out the door.

    On his off time he's helping with the cleaning, bills, and watching our son as I'm a WAHM.

    I don't understand some men at all!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:22 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

  • I have told him everything I posted on here and more, I evenhave packed his stuff and told he had to go( he has a habit, that if the kids need something, he says he doesnt have the money) Plus our youngest had kept been putting in U.k. ALOT like from 3 months until he was 9 months off and on... and he rarely come to see him and even when he did he would only stay like 10 minutes then leave. After I packed his stuff he started helping for about a week then it was right back where we started, and i understand he likes his games but alot of times he completely ignores our oldest one, he will be standing there yelling daddy for 20 minutes and he wont even answer him. I really want to throw his xbox out the window...lol
    rebel_momma

    Answer by rebel_momma at 7:24 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

  • Mine is an xbox addict too, mostly mobsters on myspace nowadays. Like this morning since it was a weekend he got out at 2:30 and stayed up the whole time playing mobsters and when i told him i would need some help today that i was really sick and feverish and he just said "well im tired i need to work tonight" and he went to bed. So i did what i had to i cleaned the house and i watched the babies. Then he tried to make me feel horrible by forgetting to wash his shirt.. I even needed to go to the store today to get the kids potty training stuff and he just couldnt get up he was soooooo tired. poor guy
    d3vilbunny

    Answer by d3vilbunny at 7:41 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

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