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Is this all in my mind?

I'm not prone to paranoia, but lately I'm wondering about myself! If it takes two people to have a friendship but only one of those people initiates contact, is it really a friendship? If one person does all the inviting, planning, etc for activities, makes all the phone calls, sends all the emails and the other person responds, but NEVER initiates, what does that mean? I know what I think, but would like more perspective.

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Kelly913

Asked by Kelly913 at 8:12 PM on Jul. 19, 2009 in Relationships

Level 7 (167 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • Maybe your firend is busy, and doesn't notice that you are doing all the planning. Tell your friend how you feel.
    say_tay

    Answer by say_tay at 8:15 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

  • I made it singular in the question to simplify, but I can't think of a single "friend" who was called and invited me to go somewhere or do something. I started a moms group to reach out to more people and I met more moms there, but still-if something happens it's because I initiated. If they didn't accept I'd take the hint and quit asking....
    Kelly913

    Answer by Kelly913 at 8:25 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

  • I tend to be the one who doesn't initiate, I'm embarrassed to say. It doesn't mean that I don't care about the other person, but it is so easy to let them do all the work. If I don't hear from them for months, then I'd call or send an email, but other than that they do it, and I am delighted to hear from them and look forward greatly to getting together. I don't know if I am shy, or lazy, probably both. It doesn't mean that I don't care about the other. Perhaps you could say at the end of a get-together, please call or email when you have a chance to get get together again. Only thing is, they might forget. It isn't that they don't care. If they consistently turn you down, that's different, it means they aren't interested.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 8:27 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

  • I tend to be the one who doesnt initiate as well, like the PP. For me, its not that I dont want to be friends, I just dont want someone to feel obligated to go/do something/talk to me. I dont want to push in where I'm not wanted...KWIM?
    abbynzachsmommy

    Answer by abbynzachsmommy at 8:31 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

  • To both PP, do you ever go out with friends? Play dates for your kids? Group activities? Family get togethers with other families? I know that the people I'm referring to do take the initiative to get together with other people. That's why I think I'm paranoid! :-)
    Kelly913

    Answer by Kelly913 at 8:45 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

  • it just means that after a while it might just be expected for you to do all the planning and inviting. Perhaps your friends think you enjoy doing that. Talk to them if you want that to change.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:56 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

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