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Should I send my kids to their dads house while he is out on bail knowing what he did?

My ex and I went to mediaition the other day to work out parenting time for our boys who are 3 and 4 years old, it went really well I thought, but shortly after getting home I get a call from a friend telling me that my ex had raped one of our friends. My ex had gone right from mediaition to our friends house where he then raped her and went home and acted like nothing happened. He was put in jail for 1st degree sexual assult and has since made bail. He wants to keep my boys on the same parenting time plan as we figured out, but I am not sure I am comfortable with it or not. My laywer put a hold on all his parenting time and has pretty much left it up to me if I want to take them there or not. I am almost 100% sure it will just be until he goes to court because I am pretty sure that he will be going to jail because of everything against him and he has been in jail for other things before.

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coloradomommy77

Asked by coloradomommy77 at 10:02 PM on Jul. 19, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (19)
  • I wouldnt. I'd be too afraid of what might happen.
    MommyLee08

    Answer by MommyLee08 at 10:05 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

  • I would NOT let my kids go with him.
    If he is convicted he will be a sex offender and you can have all his visitation rights revoked.
    Cherrie522

    Answer by Cherrie522 at 10:07 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

  • As much as I hate to say this, are you certain he did this? Is it in Character for him? Or out of the blue, knocked you on your behind, in shock when you found out? That is something I would take into consideration. Also think of it this way, he's technically innocent until proven guilty and if he's never shown any deviant behavior toward your children, I don't see the harm. It might be their last chance to see him before he goes to jail.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:08 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

  • Personally, I wouldnt do it. I couldnt do it! If anything, maybe you can set a playdate or something, like meet him someplace neutral (the park, mcdonalds) where he can still see the kids and have their time together, but you can watch over it. I'd in no way trust my kids alone with him. Matter of fact, I'd probably change the parenting plans for them to be supervised. Maybe its just me (I was raped a few years back), but thats just my take on it.
    Shy_Dia

    Answer by Shy_Dia at 10:08 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

  • HELL NO I WOULD NOT!!! NO!!
    sweetest-sin7

    Answer by sweetest-sin7 at 10:12 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

  • NOOOO!!!!! Even if you are not sure, its better to be safe. Do not put the children in drama or danger
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:13 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

  • I would not. Even though he hasn't done anything to your children...do you really think it is a positive thing for them to be around a man who raped someone? No. That is a BIG negative influence and something innocent kids don't need to be subjected to.
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 10:14 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

  • He is accused of raping a grown woman, not a CHILD, and not a boy. I agree I would be wary, but the children are probably safe. You have to remember that a person is always innocent until proven guilty anyway, and you don't want to do anything irrevocable until and unless he is actually convicted.


     

    pagan_mama

    Answer by pagan_mama at 10:17 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

  • Probably safe Pagan Mama? Right, as long as it's probably safe......and it was just a woman, not a child, you should totally leave your children with him....because they'd probably be safe.

    You said this wasn't his first brush with the law. That alone should tell you he doesn't have much respect for laws or rules. Would you knowingly leave your child with anyone else accused of the same crime?

    Yes, he is thier father, but that means he should be held on higher standards, not lower ones. I would supervise the visit. You don't take chances with children. "Probably safe" is not a good rule of thumb with something this serious.
    MandiDueAug09

    Answer by MandiDueAug09 at 10:34 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

  • ummm...no?! I wouldn't have even questioned this! I don't care if they are his kids. This man has been convicted of a seriously violent crime. There should be no question in your mind that your children are unsafe with this man.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:56 PM on Jul. 19, 2009

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