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Please I don't know what to do. I feel like a failure.

Me and my daughter are very close but for the last 6 weeks she has been in New Mexico with her father, but is due home tomorrow. I got a call yesterday off her to tell me that she thinks she's pregnant and she's taken a test. I mean what the hell? I've talked to her every evening. I just don't understand. And I feel as if I've failed as a mother. She's 13. I wanted a good life for her. What should I advise her to do? She's just a baby...Please. The only details she gives me are the fact that the boy is 14 and he's her new boyfriend. We've talked about sex. Talked about not doing it until you're ready/contraception etc. I guess now I have to deal with this though. Advice please.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:28 AM on Jul. 20, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (51)
  • 1st i think i might kill her father........
    after that i really dont know, only thing is i am against abortion so if she is pregnate maybe you 2 can go to a christian pregnancy center and talk about adoption vs keeping the baby
    good luck!!!
    mommymeg03

    Answer by mommymeg03 at 9:32 AM on Jul. 20, 2009

  • Was she in New Mexico with her father when this happened, I think that I would be on the next flight down there. I would probably lose it with her and her father. I'm sorry but I would deffinitly encourage abortion, she is way to young to have a baby. After the abortion I would monitor her very closely. I have a 13 year old daughter and would be very disappointed in her for behaving like that.
    staceynoel

    Answer by staceynoel at 9:33 AM on Jul. 20, 2009

  • Yes she was with her father when it happened. Sounds like it was around 4 weeks ago. Oh believe me that man is going to get a kick in the head.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:34 AM on Jul. 20, 2009

  • Don't listin to people that tell you they are against abortion, it is what's best for a girl this young, If it is done early in the pregnancy it is totally fine.
    staceynoel

    Answer by staceynoel at 9:35 AM on Jul. 20, 2009

  • It's so hard for teens these days. So many kids are having sex at such a young age. There is pressure from boys, & girls. and a lot of the times kids will just do what all the other kids are doing because it seems normal since everyone else is doing it too. Did her test come out positive for sure? Man, your in a tight spot. I personally would have my daughter get an abortion, but i know that a lot of people are against that. Maybe talking to her EVERY night, made it hard for her to come to you when she became sexually active. Maybe she felt as if she was disappointing you, so she didn't want to come to you about it. How is she getting alone time w/ her boyfriend? This is also something to worry about, 13 year olds have no business being alone w/ a boy. And not just any boy, a boy that wants to get in her pants. My daughter is not aloud to date until she is 17, that is out house rule. She CANNOT be alone w/ boys.

    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:37 AM on Jul. 20, 2009

  • I would be at the courthouse shortening visitation w/ dad. He obviously cannot keep an eye on her.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:39 AM on Jul. 20, 2009

  • First you gotta get her home and to a doctor to confirm this. Then it's one day at a time Mom. This didn't happen on your watch - it happened on her dad's watch. Not pointing fingers, but it's obvious that he doesn't share your attitude of being watchful. She has options (adoption would be my choice) but it has to be her decision. Make sure she has all the information she could possibly need and help guide her. Make sure she has someone she can talk to - she's going to need it - and don't be hurt if it's not you. You didn't fail Momma, had you been there, I'm sure that she wouldn't have had the alone time with this boyfriend to get into this mess. She's scared to death, I'm sure and she needs you now more than she can say. And yeah, I'd be killing her dad. What an idiot to let a 13 yr old have that kind of free time with a boy.
    PaceMyself

    Answer by PaceMyself at 9:40 AM on Jul. 20, 2009

  • She's going to need you more than ever. Regardless of how much you talked it does tend to fly out the window when that really cute guy is near. This is your grandchild and an innocent. I don't know how you feel about that. Adoption comes to mind, but I would never be able to allow anyone else raise my grandchild. There's got to be some middle ground. It's important that she finish school. I think after delivery the birth control shot would be nice.(No remembering to take pills) You did not fail please don't think you did. She's thirteen and was able to tell you she was pregnant. I know some 16 and 17 year olds who are afraid to do even that. it's not going to be easy if she has the baby. she will need to be a mother and a student. Right now what she's going to need is a mother who loves her even tho' she messed up. I wish I knew what to tell you, but I don't know the whole situation or your family. Hugs!!
    2autisticsmom

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 9:40 AM on Jul. 20, 2009

  • ABORTION IS NEVER FINE WTH IS WRONG WITH YOU. EVERY CHILD HAS THE RIGHT TO LIVE NO MATTER HOW OR BY WHOM THEY WERE CONCEIVED. YOUR PARENTS DIDNT ABORT YOU SO WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU WANT TO DO THAT. IF THE GIRL IS WOMAN ENOUGH TO SPEAD HER LEGS THEN DAMNIT SHE'S WOMAN ENOUGH TO HANDLE THE CONSEQUENCES. I HATE WHEN PEOPLE WANT TO SAY THAT ABORTION IS THE RIGHT WAY TO GO. THATS BULLSHIT BECAUSE THAT BABY HAS A CHANCE AT A GOOD LIFE AND YOUR JUST WANTING TO THROW THAT ALL AWAY. ITS SELFISH AND PISSES ME OFF. NOW SHE IS 13 SO IF YOUR NOT PREPARED TO TAKE CARE OF THE BABY THEN TALK TO THE BOYFRIENDS FAMILY TOO HE ALSO HAS A RIGHT. SOMEONE IN EITHER FAMILY I'M SURE WOULD BE WILLING TO ADOPT THAT WAY U CAN SHE YOUR GRANDBABY WHENEVER YOU WANT. I'M SORRY IF I GOT RUDE ON THE ABORTION TOPIC BUT I AM VERY MUCH PRO-LIFE & WILL FIGHT FOR THOSE BABIES AS MUCH AS I CAN.
    colesmommy2009

    Answer by colesmommy2009 at 9:44 AM on Jul. 20, 2009

  • Pro-lifers take a hike and get off cafemom. This is a very young girl, she shouldn't have to go through labor, she could die for the pain. I also deffinitely recommend abortion, get her home as soon as possible so that this can be done. Some of these comments are coming from teen moms, so don't listen to them.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:50 AM on Jul. 20, 2009

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