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Getting Adult Children to Accept Gifts Graciously

I'm a realtor and I recently I helped my stepson and his wife (early 20's) with their purchase of a new condo. I had recommended a lender to them that I felt would be great with young first time buyers. When the transaction was over, the lender purchased two closing gifts for them, a set of dishes and flatware. The lender is my friend and I remember how excited she was when she picked these two gifts stating that she felt they were "very hip" and something a newly married couple would need. My stepson and his wife never called the lender to thank her for the gift. A rumor circulated through the family that they felt her gift was strange because they've already been married for a year and have that stuff. They complained that it was a gift they'd have to re-gift. They never called to thank the lender until I told them it was rude not to. Now they're upset that I told them they were rude and she didn't have to purchase gifts???

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businmessmom

Asked by businmessmom at 10:34 AM on Jul. 20, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • They sound incredibly selfish, but there isn't much else you can do since you told them how you feel and they don't seem to care. It's a shame but the two of them need to learn some proper ettiquette and at least send a thank you note.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:58 AM on Jul. 20, 2009

  • Yes they are, and that's actually the way they accept every gift and my husband never says anything to his son. Anytime I've purchased gifts, they go out of their way to tell me if they don't like it. My husband and I earn about 40% of what we did 4 years ago so the gifts have definately changed. My husband gets mad if I say they're selfish because they're pastors in their church. Funny thing is they put over a $1000 each month into savings, while we've gone through $300k from our savings in the past 3 years to keep our business afloat. Yet if they come over, they expect to be taken to a fine steak and lobster house, order premium drinks the whole works and don't pitch in a dime. Again, the husband NEVER says anything.
    businmessmom

    Answer by businmessmom at 11:23 AM on Jul. 20, 2009

  • Then why bother at all? let your husband buy their gifts and take them to dinner if he feels that he needs to.. Why put yourself in that position?
    If my gifts are not appreciated, I stop giving them..
    However, I would wonder who taught these people to act this way in the first place..
    Mad_Hexer

    Answer by Mad_Hexer at 11:48 AM on Jul. 20, 2009

  • However, I would wonder who taught these people to act this way in the first place, MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY! BUT SOMETIMES WHAT WE TEACH OUR KIDS, GOES OUT ONE EAR AND OUT THE OTHER.
    older

    Answer by older at 3:48 PM on Jul. 20, 2009

  • Wow, that's rude. I can't imagine. Even if you don't like the gift, there's usually a lot of tought and consideration that goes into. I cannot image not being willing to thank someone.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:05 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • Thanks for everyones comments. The reason he's like that is because it's cultural. His mom is more traditional in our culture and the first born males are reared like litle kings. His sister however, has impeccable manners and is incredibly thoughtful. But he's used to getting his way all the time. His wife was his girlfriend at 14 so she's been around this behavior so long it's now a part of her. They don't deal with it well when I point out that their behavior is rude.
    businmessmom

    Answer by businmessmom at 1:17 AM on Jul. 23, 2009

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