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How do you handle your husband's/SO's needy friends?

Do you ever feel like your husband's always doing more for his friends than he does for his family? Like, will he break a date or time with you and the kids to do a favor for a friend? If his friends are always asking for things (borrowing money, rides. etc...) that put your own needs in the backseat, how do you handle it?

Of course, it's good to be a reliable friend. But they shouldn't come before family right?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:19 PM on Jul. 20, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • My DH is good about that stuff. He always asks me what I think about what the favor... If I dont like it then he will tell them no. I agree family should always be first. What bugs me is when his friends "drop by" right on time for lunch or dinner, then stay and stay and stay cause they know we wont eat in front of them... ugh!
    firethearson

    Answer by firethearson at 3:24 PM on Jul. 20, 2009

  • "But they shouldn't come before family right?" HELL NO...but someone disagreed with me earlier on a very similar question. I am fed up with my husband's friends. One calls only when she needs bailout...help with a letter to personnel, a resignation letter, help understanding a questionnaire...this woman has been exposed to the English language long enough to read a short story and a simple document...use of our printer, I think I may quit my job and get licensed as a bail bondsman..."that put your own needs in the backseat, how do you handle it?" My husband has been so sneaky these last two times...this one time he failed to tell me the damsel in distress had been overseas for 2 months...HOW DO YOU LOOK FOR A JOB HERE WHEN YOU'RE GONE FOR 2 MONTHS?! Next time her husband is out of town and he tries to sneak her in at the last minute, I am sneaking out with our daughter and doing something fun.

    mimismom436

    Answer by mimismom436 at 3:25 PM on Jul. 20, 2009

  • i think ur right one time we had a whole day planned and it got interrupted because of one of his friends so since we didnt get many days to ourselves I told him to chose which is more important, being his friends little personal servant or spending time with me. he chose me but his friend did not like that and started to say i was taking up too much of his time, blah blah, so he ended up nnot talking to this guy anymore cuz anyone who was so selfish to say he should break up wit me because I was taking time was no good in his book. he always runs things by me and gets my opinion and always has but that was one instance where i was irritated

    Dom123123

    Answer by Dom123123 at 3:27 PM on Jul. 20, 2009

  • My dh is really good about discussing things over with me before making plans and doing major favors for people. We had the same problem as firethearson with people over staying. My husbands best friend was like that, he never new when it was time to go it really bugged me. Then couple of years ago he was killed in a car accident, I regret all my not so nice thoughts I had, and wish he was still here to overcome his stay I would so welcome it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:37 PM on Jul. 20, 2009

  • My dh would never interupt our family time to help a friend unless the situation called for it. My dh is a loyal friend but he also knows that his comittment to us is more important.
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 3:38 PM on Jul. 20, 2009

  • this is why I like being single! I stay out of that kind of crap
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:41 PM on Jul. 20, 2009

  • I know it is very irritating and it can sometimes get out of hand, but I try to remind myself that this is really one of the reasons I love my husband. He is a kind and generous person, and this means sometimes he gets called on for help more frequently than I like by people I think should try a little harder to take care of themselves. I can't tell him to stop it completely because it is an important part of who he is, and maybe I need to be a little more kind and generous too. When I do feel he is being taken advantage of or when I feel he is neglecting us I will let him know. I always start by telling him how proud I am to be married to a man like him, but I let him know that we, his family, need him too. I ask him to see if he can limit any unnecessary help to others to give us a little family time. We still get interrupted by "emergency" calls, but he does tell a few people "no" just because I asked.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:43 PM on Jul. 20, 2009

  • Mines the same way...I think it feels like he does more for them but not really. I also don't get in near as much trouble as his friends do. It still pisses me off. They know my SO is really generous and will do anything for anyone so they take advantage of that and walk all over him. I point it out all the time and sometimes he gets it but he still babysits them. Wears me out. Now that we have a baby it isn't as bad anymore. Most of his friends are kinda losers. No jobs, cars, and they mooch off people.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:28 PM on Jul. 20, 2009

  • my dh was really bad with that. We got into alot of arguments over it and now he's still drop whatever it is he's doing for his friends but not as bad anymore. Due to that there are a couple of his friends that I can't stand and I've told him that and I talk shit about them to him and to their faces lol. I could care less if they think that i'ma bitch cuz he's my husband not theirs.
    funmommy123

    Answer by funmommy123 at 7:16 PM on Jul. 20, 2009

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