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Are your kids ever bothered by bullies? What do you tell them?

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justinec

Asked by justinec at 5:56 PM on Jul. 20, 2009 in

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • I'm pregnant with my first, so I couldn't answer your question from a parental perspective, but I can tell you from my own personal experience since I was bullied quite a bit in school. My mom used to tell me that the bullies did it just because they were jealous, and it didn't matter that I couldn't figure out just what they were jealous of. She explained that bullies only pick on those that have something that they themselves wished they had, because they needed something to make themselves feel better. She told me to ignore whatever they were saying, but if they tried to hurt me, to tell the teacher right away.

    It really didn't help me in the short term since I wanted to know the reason why for everything, but over time I did learn that what she said was true. It took everything I had to ignore them, but it eventually worked.
    Busimommi

    Answer by Busimommi at 6:56 PM on Jul. 20, 2009

  • I'm expecting my first too, but I am also a teacher. I've taught 9 - 19 year-olds. I've seen the bullies and how they work. They really do pick on those that they feel are either better then them or are at the other extreme. (Just easy targets.)

    As a teacher I would step in and stop it in my classroom. As a parent I would tell my child they're just insecure and need to boost themselves by bringing you down. (I would also want to know what the teacher is doing about it or if the teacher even knows what is going on. We get busy sometimes taking care of 20 other problems that, that one just gets swept under the carpet without meaning to.) I woudl tell them what I tell my students: the best way to fight back is to remember that you are better than them, they know it, and they're just picking on you because they aren't happy about it.

    Good luck!
    sarajrcart

    Answer by sarajrcart at 7:42 PM on Jul. 20, 2009

  • As a former kid who was bullied throughout many of her school years, I know they weren't jealous of me. I was ugly, average intelligence, poor, and wore ugly, ill-fitting clothes. I view bullies as hungry wolves hunting their prey - they wear them down until they can go in for the kill.
    Blessedly, my children were never bullied, but I was very involved with volunteering in their schools, especially when they were in elementary schools. I felt more involved with their lives, got to know who their schoolmates were, and built a closer relationship with their teachers.
    Schools now stress the no tolerance policy on bullying and are very serious about it, which is wonderful. Kids should always feel safe at school no matter what their lifestyle, income, or intelligence level is.
    The key is for parents to be involved. ♥
    PrydferthMenyw

    Answer by PrydferthMenyw at 9:15 PM on Jul. 20, 2009

  • I was a horribly bullied child as well. It even caused me to drop out of main stream school in 11th grade. At that point the damage was already done. I always have and still do to an extent have horrible self esteem. It really hard to feel good about who you are when you have no friend and you are constantly being called at dog. The teachers sure never did a damn thing to stop it. They really can't. They can not control everything that comes out of their students mouths and you can't be there all the time. If my child is every bullied to the point that I was i will take him out of school and home school. It's not something I want to do. i am not a teacher for a reason but I will to protect my child's feeling about them selves. I do not ever think that any child should go through what i went through. It's cruel of any parent to just sit back and watch there child be torn limb to limb and think ...
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 9:45 PM on Jul. 20, 2009

  • that it will fix it's self or that the school should or can fix it. It is a fact of life that there are mean people in the world and you won't get along with everyone. It is completely different for a child to be isolated by the fact that they are considered 'sub par' by their class mates. In the real world there are better tactics for avoiding such harassment. Inform your boss(they lose pay or there job), restraining orders(police support), changing phone numbers, change jobs if you must... In school you are stuck with those other people for years on end and it's your word against there's. No consequences for their actions.
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 9:49 PM on Jul. 20, 2009

  • When my son was in grade school he had a bully. This went on for a few weeks and fnally I told my son to knock the poop out of the other kid. Not to start the fight but to stand up for himself. He did just that and now many years later these two boys are good friends.

    Bullies like to pick on others that will not defend themselves. When a child stands up for their self the bully will leave them alone.
    ronjwake

    Answer by ronjwake at 10:38 PM on Jul. 20, 2009

  • My daughter is an easy target for bullies. She is very shy and didn't want any attention brought to her self. All threw kindergarten, she had 2 bullies. I tried to tell my daughter that bullies are weak and jealous. I also told her that if she was being picked on to tell a teacher. My daughter told many many teachers, ALL the teachers told her the same thing. "You need to stick up for yourself or you will never make it in life." They never once did anything to stop these bullies. My daughter had her head put threw a school bus window. 14 stitches it took to close that huge cut!!
    After that day I told my daughter that if another person touched her, to knock them out! And if a person is using words to bully you, scream you head off.
    Ever since then, my daughter hasn't had any big problems.
    lighthouse98

    Answer by lighthouse98 at 3:51 AM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • You think I would never fight back? OH boy! the number of loosing fights I was in. Verbal and physical. That doesn't make it stop once you hit middle school. Once you are labeled it sticks for the rest of your school career. I was picked on in Elem. School. I was all out bullied in middle school up. there is a difference in being picked on and being bullied don't confuse it. Being picked on is when one or two students act alone or together to try and get you fired up. Bullies are in large groups with many followers who back them up. Bullies make sure you have no friends because they have said everything in there power to make you sound like a piece of crap. They do think secretly so as not to get caught in the act. Kids who pick are just mean kids who bully are out for blood. They are the ones that are power hungry. I know I'm not pretty or smart or will ever be popular but i didn't deserve what I got!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:51 AM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • I tell my daughter to stand up for herself, she must tell the teacher so that they know there is a problem and then to tell them to stop and if they touch her she is to defend her self, she doesnt really have bullies that bother her now because they know she wont put up with it. MY son is going to start kindergarten this fall so i am not sure what to tell him cause hes already not a pushover so i dont think he would take the bullying so i guess im going to have to wait and see what the best course to take with him is
    elananme

    Answer by elananme at 4:36 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

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