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Really needing some advice for a friend... Please help....

Okay, I'm going to try to explain this.. just needed some advise to give a friend. I have a friend that is married. They have 3 kids together. It's really kinda of a weird marriage, I guess you could say. My friend goes to church. She knows the right thing to do, but isn't doing it. Here's the thing.... She has slept around on her husband. Quite a bit. She keeps saying she is going to do better. By now I don't even know why she tells me when she does something like this, Cause I make sure I try to make her feel bad about it. ( Maybe I shouldn't, but I don't know what else to tell her) I have advised her she needs to pray about it.... However she doesn't really seem bothered by it all. .. PLEASE SEE THE FIRST RESPONCE BELOW.. FOR THE REST.. I COULD NOT PUT IT ALL IN THIS BOX....

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:51 AM on Jul. 21, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • She says she has to "want to stop" , and she really doesn't want to. Her husband is not the brightest one either. He does have his faults as well. So don't think he is this lil perfect hubby. He once told her he wanted her to have sex with another man ( this man is the boyfriend of his ex-wife) while he watched.... SO that just tells you what kind of person he is also.. I keep telling her she just needs to get a divorce, but she says she does not want to. I told her she is committing adultery, and should get a divorce if she is going to continue to sleep with other guys while being married.
    Her husband pretty much told her that he didn't care what she did, just don't bring anything home to him ( Talking about a STD ) She then says " If she gets a divorce, then she will still be sinning, cause she will be having sex w/ out being married" Which is right. That leaves me not knowing what to say to her. She is a really good
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:52 AM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • I'm not sure I have all the facts straight about this, but it sounds like to me they are both happy with this arrangement? So its like an open relationship? If so, then there is nothing that can be done. If its not broke... don't fix it. They seem to be getting along just fine, and its no one else's business what they do in the bedroom. Perhaps if you are bothered by it you could ask her to stop telling you about it. A lot of people have open relationships where they are free to have sex with whomever they want, and it actually can help a relationship in some ways. Its not for everyone, but hey.. what is?
    If I've misunderstood and she or he is not happy, then they need to go into counseling. Perhaps you could talk to her about counseling with your pastor, etc? Not sure really what else you could do... its more up to them than anything.
    Emuu

    Answer by Emuu at 12:58 AM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • Um sex with other men while your married is also sin. Plus sin is sin. Sounds to me like your freind and her husband are very confused and if I were you I would remind her that she is a mother and is being very irresponsible. They sound like they are both out of their right minds and if your freind continues to tell you these things its because she doesn't care she is doing them but because she just wants attention. Don't give her attention. You say she knows the right thing to do but I think that she is very far from knowing that. THis all sounds sick especially since there are children living in that home.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:59 AM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • I have to agree, that sounds like a sick situation. What kind of things are those kids going to grow up seeing and hearing.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:02 AM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • To me it sounds like the two of them are fine with the arrangement. It is THEIR marriage and I don't believe it is your place to judge it. If you don't care for the behavior then end the friendship. Maybe your difference in morals isn't a good mix for a friendship. I don't think you can say or do anything to change her mind. And even more so I don't think she wants you too.

    Let it go and keep it separated from your friendship or walk away from the friendship.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:06 AM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • I agree with Emmu. If they are both okay with this , then more power to them. Just tell your friend if she's going to keep doing this not to tell you, you don't want to know anymore. But I aso agree with 1.02 am. It 's not a very good thing to have her children see. It does sound a little disturbing but they must care about each other in their own speacial way. Since they are still together.
    incarnita

    Answer by incarnita at 9:41 AM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • I'M THE OP ..... Someone above mentioned she likes attention... yes she does . She says her husband never gives her any attention. Her hubby goes to the gym everyday for like 3 hours ! Then when she ask him to do something with her or her and the kids, like going to the park or just anything, Then he doesn't want to . Yeah I am her friend, and at times she acts like she wants to be a better person and quit all of this, then she will go off and have sex with another man. To me that is very Nasty, Sick, irresponsible, un-faithful, and gives her self a very bad name. AKA ( Basically a HO ) I like our friendship, and want her to do what is right. Mainly because she has Kids.... 3 kids at that !! IS she wasn't married and had 3 KIDS, then yeah go off and screw everyone you want to.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:30 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

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