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How can a woman know if a man has aggressive/abusive tendencies?

We know that this is happening every day: domestic violence is a big problem in our society but have you ever thought once the victim gets rid off the abuser. Where does the abuser go?
Do you think there is a way of a woman to know if her "new" man has had a turbulent past?


Asked by Anonymous at 8:07 AM on Jul. 21, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • Many say that abusive men hate their mother. I have no clue if that is a valid statement but since I've ended up with more than one abuser who happen to hate their mother I do talk about mothers now when I meet men! That way I get to check it out using that theory. Most claim to love mom but get him started on a story and his true feelings will come out! This is why (I think) some states have a Failure to Protect Law that can charge the mom for not getting children out of an abusive environment. Children learn what they live and if they live in an abusive home the odds are that they will grow up and girls will find men who abuse and boys will become abusers and hate the mom for not protecting them. The cycle needs to stop. As for previous relationships, talk to x wives and gf. Go to or and see if someone listed him as an abuser there or check county criminal records for arrests for dom. vio

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:19 AM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • Hmm... it's hard to say. I was previously in an abusive relationship and everyone (including his own mother) warned me... but I didn't listen. When my son was born, I kicked him to the curb when he told me to "Shut that thing up!" when the baby was crying. Many women aren't as lucky as I was.

    Answer by Annabel1809Lee at 8:10 AM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • Annabel thank you for your honest response OP

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:14 AM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • There will be clues in his personality and his character. A woman should notice what makes him angry and she should pay attention to how he handles that anger. The mistake most women make is that they become sexually involved with a man before they have thoroughly checked out his character. Once she becomes sexually involved, she is blinded by the euphoria of the physical to the realities of his true nature. This will last for a period of time, and then she begins to see the truth of who he really is. The sad thing is that by the time she notices, there are already children involved and it makes walking away from him extremely difficult.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:09 AM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • I think that someone who tries to control a person. If you have been abused then you will know when thte preditor comes...... There are also Abuse websites and it tells you the description of what to look out for in abusive people. Because a lot of men do not just come out hitting. They real you in then start the attacks. My daughters father didn't start beating on me until I was 8 months pregnant with her which was 4 years after we got together. Although before that he was controlling (i couldn't hang out with my friends or anything without him up my butt or giving me permission.) I don't know why I let him control me. But I did. And I don't allow anyone to control me anymore. My husband is wonderful.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:10 AM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • Sometimes they hide it until it's too late. I was with my ex for one year before we got marries. It was not until year 2 that he started becoming FIRST VERY manipulative. He could manipulate the hell out of me, & i never noticed until it was too late. Maybe i was dumb, but he sure knew how to get his way & argue his way out of everything. Then the emotional abuse started. He stared belittling me, & hitting WAY below the belt. He made me feel like less than dirt. Then once i began standing up to myself, is went the physical abuse started. He beat me 2 times. The first time i forgave him because i had no where to go. The second time, i left. and one of hie female friends that he went to school w/ let me live with her until i got on my own two feet.


    Answer by Anonymous at 9:19 AM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • admckenzie you're not wrong. Great advice. op

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:04 AM on Jul. 21, 2009