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how do i not care about what he does?

we are separating and hes moving out this week. i do still love him. but things just aren't working out. i always wounder what he has going on with a girl, they had a supposedly brief emotional affair... he told her last night on the phone that he sent her a long message on f.b. he doesn't know i heard... he changed his password on his computer last night as well... and felt the need to tell me he has set up dating sites because it turns him on... how do i not let these things get to me. he wants me to make the effort to make our relationship work... -confused

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:53 AM on Jul. 21, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • It boils down to that you aren't happy. And you should be. He really doesn't seem like the guy for you, from what you are saying. Move on with your life. You are a good person and should do what you can to learn about yourself and to do things that make you feel happy about yourself.

    Answer by Bmat at 8:58 AM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • u might have to think of it as a future thing.... if u work it out can u deal with the fact that he did or does dateing sites because it turns him on ( a lil creepy if u ask me ) and he already had a "emontinal affair" whos to say it wont happen again or turn into a full blown affair.. do u want to spend the next 2 to 5 years worrying or wondering and doing the what if....he sounds ready to move on and i think u should to. i have loved before but it wasent working and i have moved on even after a long relationship u can move on it just takes time. i was in a 7 1/2 yr relationship even had a daughter with him but we grew apart and had diffrences i moved out and even moved married now and i dont even have to think what happy now and very content. now me and x still friends hes married now but not happy and has thought of cheating with an x g/f. but it dosent involve me so it wont keep me up at night. good luck hun

    Answer by tabbys4 at 9:08 AM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • He seems self absorbed. He had an emotional affair & is calling this woman & sending her facebook messages, while also setting up profiles on dating sites....BUT, he wants YOU to make an effort to make the relationship work? Does the earth revolve around him? I don't think so, let his ass go. Set up some profiles on some dating sites. Tell him you have a date this Friday, & tell him to f*ck off when the door slams behind him. Go out & hang out w/ your girl friends, meet some guys & let HIM wonder what YOU have going on w/ some guy.

    Good luck, be strong & know your beautiful & that you have nothing stopping you!


    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:12 AM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • you just have to keep your mind and body busy in healthy ways. my husband and i are having bad bad time. I'm just letting healthy rest and a busy mind be my guide. I don't take things past today. And I tell God thank you for letting me breathe a second of my rest in my heart as time comes and comes. You nurture yourself in your gut your soul first then you life this second and another nurture another second will be clear for guidance.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:13 AM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • RED FLAG RIGHT THERE> I can't believe some men. They want a relationship, but want to be able to do all these things as well. People that is men/women deserve to be happy and if you are in a committed relationship then you shouldn't be having emotional/physical/computer affairs. That is wrong. I think that you should think of yourself right now. See men like to turn things around so that it is on you. He doesn't want to leave you he wants you to leave him.
    QUOTE"we are separating and hes moving out this week ____ he wants me to make the effort to make our relationship work... -confused... My husband told me that men find it hard to leave women because they always want to make things work or not get the hint that it is over. So that leads men to have these affairs or do something that will make you leave him. I don't know whose decision it was for him to leave. But maybe it is best that you try to find out what you want in

    Answer by suzyb1980 at 9:16 AM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • Life. You deserve happiness and you have to be happy with yourself to get happiness elsewhere. Life is full of wonderful men and even though at the moment you will probably want to do anything to salvage this relationship, but is it worth it. Is he going to continue what he is doing? Will you ever be able to live with him,, without wondering what he is doing. he changed his password on you. something is up. Be careful and think of yourself 1st.

    Answer by suzyb1980 at 9:17 AM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • yeah, he sounds like he just wants to be friends with you. If I were you I would just say fine and do your own thing. you can start by being a little less around him ,make yourself look busy. let him see you go out with friends and other men. That could work either way though . That might want him to come back with you . because he got jelious ,or it will let him know that he should move on and leave you alone'. But you should still talk to him and be somewhat friendly and show him this situation doesn't bother you anymore.

    Answer by incarnita at 9:22 AM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • thank you everyone.... my focus will just be for my children and i now... i cant live the life i have/had... i thank god i found this site.

    Answer by mom2boys80 at 9:26 AM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • we talk like we are friends... i am happy for that. don't want to end it in hate. especially because we have kids together. i just hope he realizes i don't want to hear about everything any other friend of his might

    Answer by mom2boys80 at 9:28 AM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • Don't wait for him to realize you don't want to hear it. Tell him. My x and I had to live together after the divorce for financial reasons. We agreed not to discuss other people with one another. That would just be hurtful. So for about a year we had our own lives but didn't disrespect the other by talking about others or bring them home. We couldn't remain married but we still showed respect to the other.

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:22 AM on Jul. 21, 2009

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