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OMG HELP!

I need help! I just found out that my 14 year old daughter is bulimic and i can not tell my ex hubby (her father) because he is the type of man who is arrogant and will just put the blame on me. I recently just remarried and she refuses to get close to her new stepdad but he cares a lot about her.. i want to help her, im searching for local youth activities anything to get her mind off from doing these nonsense things ! she also has reject friends who never want to go anywhere with her, even though shes a beautiful young girl she doesnt have other great kids to hang with, where do we find them?!! shes in the process of joining a volunteer group for teens but that will not take in affect until the end of the month. I dont want to scare her or piss her off to a point that she might do something else like pregnancy or talk to weirdos online! please help.. btw she has 6 other siblings in her life, one older sister

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:23 AM on Jul. 21, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (11)
  • I used to be bulimic, and can tell you that the one thing that helped me was counsiling. It is a very hard habit to break and to this day I find it hard to not going down that path again. Try to talk to her and be caring and not judgemental towards her or she will not listen and feel threatened.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:27 AM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • Well you have to suck it up in what he may think of you and tell him. He is her father and has the right to know what is going on with his daughter. You both need to get together and find the proper help for her. Also, you can't make your daughter get close to your new hubby if she doesn't want to. Right now I think you have bigger issues to handle. Good luck in getting her help.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:28 AM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • Libraries libraries libraries have fantastic groups for different ages she could maybe even volunteer there. 4H groups sometimes start up in August def. September. Girl Scouts sometimes are in the summer def. September. Is she good with animals - help her go around and knock on door with animals to volunteer NOT get paid to walk dogs separate from each other. Churches have vacation bible schools - and of course Sunday school nurseries and sunday school itself with arts and crafts for little little kids. Don't have to be tops on bible info to teach God through community service in church and out. Prayers for dd health, try counselling too. Lots of hospitals (google some near you) have support groups of peers for teen with different hardships.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:29 AM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • you know, anon928 is right, At least in that if your ex's anger is that he'd be pissed at you but would get help for his daughter plus probablly you and him through doctor and counselloring then I'd tell him.

    And actually either way her father has a right to know. Maybe it started cause she's upset about you and her dad? Counselling there for that including dad would be good no matter what.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:32 AM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • I was bulimic at around that same age. Bulimia is not just an eating disorder; the problem stems from something much bigger. With mine, it was abuse and poor self esteem resulting from that abuse. Your daughter needs counseling and help from people who will not condemn her. It will only get worse if she is not treated. I was almost 5" tall and weighed 75 pounds when my parents finally forced me to seek help. Please get her into counseling and treatment, even if it means you have to tell the father about it. If he is going to be an insensitive a$$hole and blame you, it's still worth it if your daughter is safe.
    Emuu

    Answer by Emuu at 10:59 AM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • First, she needs her father to know. Second, she needs counseling not youth activities to get her mind off of the nonsense. Bulima is not just a physical disorder, it is also a mental disorder and girl DIE from Bulima if they are not in treatment. Church, Girl Scouts or any other activity isn't going to help her overcome Bulima and if you really think they will then you are just as ignorant as your exhusband. GET HER HELP NOW, before it is too late and you are burying her. She needs support and understanding. Ask her doctor for a referral. Also, she needs a complete physical to find out if she did any damage to her organs.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:28 AM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • Most people who start a eating disorder are trying to feel in control. Whatever you do DO NOT JUDGE HER. It could make her rebel and/or send her into a deep depression. Call her doctor and ask for a specialist in the field she needs. Learn everything you can about bulimia. Whatever your choice is don't act slowly the disorder only gets worse not better without help. As for not having good friends. It could have a lot to do with her disorder and she could meet other girls at the courses and help programs that they have. She just hit a bump in the road and needs some help getting over this. Don't be scared because many girls go threw this and come out OK, but make sure she knows your not leaving her side. As for her father, depending on her age maybe it would be better if she told him when she is ready. Its not his right to know everything about her its a privilege. And giving her the choice could help her.
    nikimullins

    Answer by nikimullins at 3:10 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • OK i just read everyone's answers so far i sorta agree with tyfry7496 and I'm rather upset that all these people think school, librarians and church are going to help a disorder that can KILL a girl. Also why is everyone focused on the father. He is not the one who is in need of help. Yes he may need to know but should he really be first on the list of things to do. Now I understand that divorce could be a factor to her problem but at this point the main thing to focus on is your daughter. The father comes second NO MATTER WHAT. Get her the help first then worry about how to handle him. If your daughter wont get help take her to ER they can help you with the right steps. Also try these sites

    http://www.bulimiahelp.org/
    http://centerforchange.com/treatments/Bulimia-Help.php
    http://www.eatingdisorder.com/

    nikimullins

    Answer by nikimullins at 3:28 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • He IS the father and it is his right know wth is going on with his daughter. BOTH parents need to work together in getting this child help. Would you be saying the same thing if the child lived with the father? Nope.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:18 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • If she is bulemic, she needs professional help. This could kill her.

    You should tell her father; how would you feel if your child had a potentially fatal illness and no one told you?
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 10:58 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

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