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I dont know what to do please help...

So i have a 3yo autistic daughter and she screams alot and the only thing i can do is give her time out so she will quit but that rarely works. Well my dh has ptsd( post traumatic stress disorder) and when she screams it stresses him out really bad.By the way she is my daughter his step daughter. Any way he told me he can't take it much longer and that he is going to end up leaving me for good if she doesnt stop. And i cant just snap my fingers and she stops screaming ya know. So i suggested that if he starts getting stressed that either he or i leave the house for a bit and he got mad at the idea cause he wants to spend time with me. Well im not going to get rid of my daughter for him or any man. Were suppose to be moving into an apartment this fri and i have been saving up money so we can but i dont want to move in if he is just going to end up leaving me i need money to feed all 3 of my girls.And he knew she was autistic.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:12 PM on Jul. 21, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • Not sure what you should do, but it doesn't sound like moving in together is a good idea if he can't handle her screaming.
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 2:16 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • I think that counseling would be the first thing I would do. He obviously needs a way to deal with this PTSD and that could help. He's the adult and so he needs to figure out ways to work around your daughter right now. She's too young to understand that she's upsetting him. As far as moving, I would talk to him about your misgivings and his commitment to you.
    Lesli

    Answer by Lesli at 2:19 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • I would get rid of his ass for even asking that of you. Be a mom, get rid of that ass. He obviously can't handle a special needs child so you need to leave him and find someone who is compassionate. I don't care if he has PTSD he should never ask you to pick him or your daughter which is what he is doing.
    MorriganzMommy

    Answer by MorriganzMommy at 2:21 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • op here.. he wont do counseling
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:22 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • If he won't do the counseling then its time to let him go. He has a problem (PTSD) and instead of dealing with it, he's blaming a three year old. Stay where you are and take care of yourself and your children. He would obviously be another child for you to deal with.
    Lesli

    Answer by Lesli at 2:27 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • hugsOh, and HUGS because I know its harder to do than to say. And you most likely have a lot of time and emotions invested in this man.

    Lesli

    Answer by Lesli at 2:29 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • Have you looked into programs for your daughter? Where I live there are lots of state funded things for autistic children. Early Intervention will come to your house and work with her. There are so many options. If you have not done this, you should. It will help her greatly, especially when it is time to start school. They will help you with the screaming and help you figure out what works best for her. You won't have to do it alone.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:29 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • My soon-to-be 13 yr old son is Autistic. The only time he screams is when he is having a meltdown. When my son is in 'meltdown mode' I have him go to his room so he can calm himself down without distractions. When he is calm we talk about what caused the meltdown.
    Does your daughter scream at random, or are there certain 'triggers' that cause her to scream? If there are triggers you may have to find ways to eliminate them, or work around them. for example-- My son screamed over the vaccuum. So I started to vaccuum when he was not in the house, or when he was sleeping. Is your daughter recieving any services/therapy for her Autism?
    Is your dh seeking treatment for his ptsd? If not it would be a good idea- and might give him ways to cope with the screaming.
    Good luck- I hope things work out for you.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 2:29 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • well thats the thing we live together already and if we dont move in together or he leaves me i dont have anywhere to go except wyoming where my fam lives. What should i say to him?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:29 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • Tell him he knows where the door is. If he can't handle it now, he wont' be able to handle it years from now. He won't do anything to help the relationship, so he's not worth it.

    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 2:36 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

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