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can a person be so hurt from there first marriage from what there x did to them that they take it out on there second marriage and no more feeling left about any thing

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:59 PM on Jul. 21, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (7)
  • This is very possible, and probably pretty common. I think it is a big reason, but not the only reason, why 2nd and 3rd marriages have a higher failure rate than first marriages. When you go into a marriage with unresolved issued from a previous marriage it makes for a difficult situation for the new spouse. I think you are also more likely to give up sooner when you have been badly hurt in a previous relationship. In my own experience, I went into my 2nd marriage thinking I was over all the crap from my 1st, but I wasn't. I had really great intentions, but I wasn't very fair to my new husband; the 1st time he made a minor mistake I treated him like it was the 100th time, and by the 2nd or 3rd time I just shut off my emotions and gave up. If you are in this situation try to get some counseling, and if the man you have now is decent try not to give up on him. GL!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:20 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • yes but it cheats you and the new hubby out of so much. You are giving the first husband power over your life. Is he worth that? Nope or he wouldn't be an x. Wipe the slate clean and embrace this new adventure with hope and excitement that you deserve. Enjoy. Learn to be happy again. It's all good
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:19 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • I felt too hurt and scarred from my broken marriage to really feel anything for a few years afterwards. I would not have married someone else under those circumstances. I did eventually heal and now I have a good, happy marriage with the love of my life.
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 3:19 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • No, not really. I spend 4 years after my first marriage dating loosers that I couldn't fall in love with so that I wouldn't risk getting hurt again. I actually think it's experiences from my first marriage that has helped me to realize how lucky I am to be married to the awesome man I'm with.
    The idea of punishing someone for someone else's offenses concerns me. I think you probably need a counselor to help you work through those feelings.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:26 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • holy crap its mu husband lol.

    my hubbis first wife was young..immature..and a whore...she cheated and took his money. we have been together for years , and we are happy but i had to pay for her mistakes...i had to go thru some really rought times with him where no matter how good of a woman i was...he expected me to cheat, lie, steal his money...or just break his heart somehow.......it took A LOT to finally break thru and show him that im with him for his love....and thats all i need. he was very tainted for awhile cause of her.....and most women would of left but i knew in my heart he was meant for me and i pushed thru the bs . was he a dick sometimes...YES.....but it was worth it in the end cause now we are happier than ever.

    so yea...it can do that to ppl.....
    moki1984

    Answer by moki1984 at 3:45 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • he is still cold in some ways...he can turn it on and off like a light switch. but he's gotten much better and i know it will only continue to improve
    moki1984

    Answer by moki1984 at 3:45 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • Yes! Actually my dh and I have dealt with alot of issues from our past relationships. It takes time to get over some of that stuff, and to fully trust your new partner. We didn't even realize we had this issues until they would creep up.
    robinann5

    Answer by robinann5 at 4:05 PM on Jul. 21, 2009