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How can a child be expected to be honest when he suspects his mother of lying?

My nephew lives with his father and stepmother and spends two days a week with his mother. He asked me today why he wasn't allowed to lie if his mom can lie all the time. I know his mother isn't exactly honest. She lies to make herself look better ( the reason for the divorce was all my brother, the reason she doesn't see him anymore than she does is because of her therapist, my brother supposedly kicked her down the stairs when she was 6 months pregnant) or to get out of confrontations or to get whatever she wants. Her son is starting to see this. More in the fact that she will say they are doing to do whatever, but she never follows through or explains why she didn't follow through. And the lies about his dad are really getting to him. I told him the reason he shouldn't lie is because it hurts other people and will eventually come back and hurt him. Any other advice? His dad says he can't think of anything else to add.

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:28 PM on Jul. 21, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (4)
  • I think that what you said, said it all. Good job

    Answer by LaceyAM at 3:30 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • Yup, I'm in the same boat, dss just now realized that his mother lies. He is 12, and he talked to her, then talked to dh, then talked to her 2nd ex (dh being her 1st ex) and found out that she was lying all the way around.

    HE has become so disgusted with it, though, so he has decided on his own that lying is something he doesn't agree with. Give the boy some time, he may mature to this same point.

    Answer by Petie at 3:31 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • OP

    Thanks ladies
    Petie, I think he is starting to see the real picture as far as his mother is concerned. She seems almost to use him like he is a prop if that makes sense. She makes every little thing that she does a really big deal so that he gets all excited about minimal effort, but even he told my brother (his dad) that he hardly expected anything from her, since she never follows through anyway. He is 8, so maybe in time, it will all kind of become clear. We all try very hard to speak positively about her, even when he isn't, so that he can come to these conclusions on his own.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:36 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • Tell him that sometimes, grownups make mistakes too and just because a parent or another adult is doing something doesn't make it right or ok to follow. He will eventually see what she is doing and he will lose respect for her and it will be all her fault. Some people just don't think about how their actions affect a child.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 6:25 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

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