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is anyone having problems with a step child?

My step daughter is making up stories (lying) about me. I don't know what to do about it.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:49 PM on Jul. 21, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • I recommend sitting everyone down. Her mother, her husband if there is one, you, your husband, and the daughter. Ask her why she is lying about you, and what she expects that to do for her. Perhaps she thinks that if she lies about you, you will leave or her dad will leave you and he and her mother can get back together. It is a possibility. If you can figure out what she hopes to accomplish with this behavior, you will better know how to go from there. If she is unwilling to do that, then you just need to treat her as you would one of your own children, following your husband's guidelines in your home. What she does at her mother's is none of your business, but while she is in your house, you and your husband make and enforce the rules together. As a united front. Good luck.
    Mom1Stepmom1

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 3:53 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • You should sit down with her and her father and get to the bottom of this right away before it gets worse. There's an issue with her and you and if you have not a clue what it could be then you need to get to the bottom of it right away. What kind of things is she saying? If you would like to message me personally then we can talk i had the same issues with my step-children.
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 3:54 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • My stepson is the opposite though. He makes up stories about his bio mom. He and her never really got along, and she isn't around much. But there is obviously something going on there, and you need to understand what her take on the situation is. It could be something out of your control, but you may be able to better help her cope with it.
    Mom1Stepmom1

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 3:57 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • Unless they are something that would involve cps I'd just laugh them off. Don't give her the attention she wants. I have a grandson who lies like crazy and when his mouth opens we know it's a lie so we just laugh or say "whatever". Taking that attention away from him (when we used to listen and get upset ) helped and he stopped it. If you let her cause problems she will. If you nip it in the bud and ignore it or laugh it off it will take away what she wants, attention.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:31 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • We had the same problem at our house. I think they do this because the other parent gives more attention to negative things and takes more notice of a negative comment than they would a positive one. That means the child in turn is getting more attention. I feel like it is all about attention. We talked to our children's mom about it and she had the same thing going on at her house only in opposite! If you have a good relationship with the mom try talking about it.
    JDubs76

    Answer by JDubs76 at 12:10 AM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • I wouldn't spend too much time focusing on the lies because that gives them more power....but I would try to address what the girl is trying to accomplish with these lies. Does she feel powerless, does she feel she has lost some of the closeness with her father, is she trying to please her mother? What? Then address the underlying issue. Make sure she knows it is okay to feel a loyalty to her mother and that you are not a threat to that. Make sure she has some quality time with her father alone to reconnect with him. Make sure she knows you like her and you can work through this....you are not a threat to her mother or her relationship with her father. Don't do all of this as a reaction directly to the lies, because like I said, you don't want the lies to have power. You DO want the child to feel empowered, though, because kids who are secure are less likely to lie and get into trouble.
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 10:12 AM on Jul. 25, 2009

  • lol i have this problem also..my sd has told some serious lies on me and almost got me into serious trouble..the school called me and I proved to them what she had been doing at home and that she had taken her troublesome self to school...so they recommended sending her to boot camp..but i took another option and took her to a local teen advisor that told her how serious these acusations were and that if she lied on me or anyone else again he would arrest her and take her to juvenile jail where she would cooperate with daily demands..trust me it was a miracle he scared her straight thankgoodness..seek help from your resources if this is a serious problem, nip this in the bud before it gets bigger step children can be alot of work..good luck
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:31 PM on Jul. 29, 2009