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I am stuck in a situation the i need help getting out of. i have a three year old son who i feel is very aggressive. He didnt become aggressive until his father got killed in August of 08. What steps can i take to get some of that anger out of him?

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Asked by MS.GARY1 at 3:54 PM on Jul. 21, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

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Answers (9)
  • Have you tried counciling? He's might be mad about the situation and needs somebody who's neutral to talk to. My oldest son (he's 10) is in counciling because his bio mom is in prison and it's helped him a lot. I know it's not the same as what you are going through but I know that it can help. I hope the best for you.

    Answer by Juggalette0327 at 3:59 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • I am sorry to hear that. Regarding your son's aggressive behavior I think you could see a behavioral therapist for him. Could you define violent? What is he doing that you consider to be violent? Is he hitting you, hitting other siblings? I mean what is he doing so we can provide informed advice.

    Answer by bebita at 3:59 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • Sorry to hear about this. Seek psychological help for him immediately. Alot of his anger may come from him not being able to verbally express himself as well. Good Luck.

    Answer by NJMom2Tyler at 3:59 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • At this age kids don't have the communication skills to be able to verbalize their anger all the time.  Teach him how to tell you when and why he is mad.  Be understanding (let him know you understand he is mad) but don't "give in" just because he is mad.  click on Anger, Acting Out, Temper Tantrums, Aggressive Behavior.  There are good books which are age appropriate for you to read together and talk about getting angry and how to handle.  When you are mad, verbalize it to him, as you are the best example to him.


    Answer by momjs at 5:50 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • I was just mentioning this in another answer, I'm not sure if your son is old enough. My ex-SIL signed her son up for Karate when he was about 7 to help with anger issues and to let off extra energy. (he's ADHD) But she said it also helped him with his self-esteem and concentration at school.
    I don't mean to sound like he needs help being aggressive...but it could be a good way for him to learn that anger can hurt you inside. I know, I've suffered from depression for many years because I was never allowed to focus my anger or to express it. So it got his might be easier to find him an outlet. Counsuling can be great (yes, I know I spelled it wrong) but at his age, it's hard for little ones to put their feelings into words sometimes. I stepboys are 3 & 4, we go through that stuff...a lot!
    Good luck, my thoughts are with you.

    Answer by daisy521 at 12:08 AM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • I would take him to a good child psychologist skilled in play therapy that will work with you to help him deal with this. There is no way  a young child (and lets face it plenty of adults) has the coping skills to deal with this. He simply hasn't learned and developed them fully yet. A skilled therapist that specializes in dealing with children will help guide both of you through his healing process. I wish you both all the best.


    Answer by BubbaLuva at 10:09 AM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • At this point I think professional intervention is in order. He may know too much about his father - he needs to talk to and hear from a professional in the field of child psychology.

    Answer by RutterMama at 12:39 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • He needs a child psychologist to help him work through his anger.

    Answer by paralegal09 at 5:26 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • I agree that karate is a great way to teach a preschooler discipline and help them learn how to deal with anger. I think it is normal for anyone who has experienced sudden and unexpected death to lash out and feel angry but unlike adults children have no idea how to deal with it appropriately. I think family counseling might be a good idea. There are also support groups that you could go to together. It might be good for him to be around other children who understand what he is going through and good for you to be around other parents as well. I'm so sorry for both of your losses.

    Answer by usbornebooksdh at 10:37 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

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