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how do I maintain my Christian values when dealing with a vendictive and heanous biological mother?

My step daughters biological mother (egg doner as I like to refer to her as) has kept her away from us for two months now. We have gotten a lawyer and have taken every step imaginable to try to get her back, but the biological mother is very vendictive and down right evil. They cuss, smoke, yell, and drink (party) around my step daughter and it is killing me because she is only three and very impressionable. What do I do? I pray to God that he resolves this issue. Physically, I cant take much more. I have had a miscarriage due to the stress I have been under. Help!

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Asked by JessieB9 at 4:15 PM on Jul. 21, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

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Answers (11)
  • The bible says 2 Corinthians 6:14
    Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? I know this is your mother but you can not hang with her and when you talk to her you have to talk about the kids or try to get her to the Lord.. God does not want us to hang around unbelievers...I know its hard cause it is your mom just pray and ask God what he wants you to do... :) Hope everything works out... God bless

    Answer by hinson7169 at 4:35 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • smoking and drinking and cussing is your complaint? omg that is half of us on cafemom. you should be finding a way to work out visitation with her. she IS the biological mom and does have rights to her daughter. work it out and try not be judgemental. good people smoke, drink and cuss all the time

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:44 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • Look at what you can do to make your step daughters life easier. If the BM has custody of her then I agree with anon 44, work it out with the Mother. Otherwise your time with your SD could be limited.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:46 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • just hold to your beliefs and as for the BM she should know better then to act like that with a 3 yr old. i don't care what the others have said. it sounds as if she needs to grow up and put her daughter first. i'm sure this lady is not happy and probably is not a great mother. although i do believe she should have a relationship with the child i don't think it's right for her to act like that in front of a child. even if it is half of cafemom moms who are like that. the other half are like us. it's to bad the courts don't make her take parenting class. you set the example and hope your children will turn out better for it. so just stay strong set the example and hopefully y ou get her back soon.

    Answer by melody77 at 4:55 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • All you can do is pray and fast in this situation. And allow the Lord's will to be done.
    I'll be praying.

    Answer by ptomom678 at 5:00 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

    Be steadfast and trust in the Lord. Bring your troubles to him and trust in his plan.

    When we are unable to find it within ourselves to extend love and forgiveness to others, we can pray for strength to keep loving and forgiving. Resentment is a poison we drink ourselves while expecting it to affect the other person. You should continue to do what you think is best for your SD, and if that's custody, continue to persue it. When you think you can't stand any longer, allow God to carry you.

    Answer by NovemberLove at 5:24 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • Put it in God's hands and trust Him. Also begin to pray for the mother and your step-daughter. Pray that the love of Christ in you can be seen by the bio-mom.... and pray for protection over and around your daughter that she will not be influenced by her surroundings. When ever u speak about ur stepdaughter call her blessed and a child of God. Everytime she comes to your mind speak blessing over her and protection etc.. And again.. at every opportunity show the love of Christ towards the bio-mom... it may not be easy but God will give u the strength for this. I will also be praying.

    Answer by bonn777 at 5:36 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • hey anon, speak for yourself! I happen to think cussing, drinking in excess (or on a frequent basis) and smoking around your child are bad influences and signs of immaturity. This mommy is right to be concerned. Jessieb9, this is incredibly hard to go through, you sound like a strong woman. Sticking to our morals is hard when things like this happen. But I have found that eventually the truth wins out. Keep strong in your faith bc your faith is what carries you through in hard times. Meanwhile, record EVERYTHING. Have a witness (outside of family if possible) for everything. Seek support from counselors or other mothers. There are mommies who give birth physically and mommies who give birth in other ways, you are giving birth to her in your current struggle and are truly her mommy. May you find strength when you need it most.

    Answer by NightOwlMama at 7:30 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • Start by blessing her and speaking life over the mother. When we speak evil of them it has power in it but when we speak words of life it has greater power. The bible says to love those that persecute us. No matter what look at how Jesus sees her... she is a lost soul needing Him and she needs to know His love. When she comes to mind instead of thinking of all the evil start seeing her as He sees her.. precious and totally loved. You may not feel this way but its about action not feeling. Forgive her as well.. Unforgiveness often plays a role in our health as well as allowing stress to come upon us. God has things in His hands. Just trust Him!

    Answer by Shaneagle777 at 10:01 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • Move somewhere.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:34 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

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