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do you think my husband is still badly hurt from his first marriage that was 10yr's ago and taking it out on me

i need some reasons why i think my marriage is dummed from his first. he had to get married at 22. the marriage lasted for 5yr's they had one child. his x would end up spending money that he gave her on stuff for her self and never got the bills paid. he would go out a lot and leave her home he always told me that she took his auth away from him. when they were going threw the divorce he was so hurt that he ended up going to counceling and was on some kind of pill that was like downers. i met him the day his divorce was final when he was telling me it was all over he had tears in his eyes. well we got married two yr's later on & had a son 1yr after that & had another child 4yr's later. we have been married for 8yr's now.to me it is like hell he wanted me to quite work because of daycare expense. i no longer have any friends & i do not have any family. he goes out & i am home with the kids 24 to 7.never do any thing no $ for

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:20 PM on Jul. 21, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (4)
  • for babysitter. so i end up staying home. maybe if i am lucky he will do somthing with the family once a month. he works 36hr's one wk and 48hr's the other wk. he tells me he needs his time alone. he will not let me go out with out the kids i have to take them every were's. he thinks i might find somone who will treat me better. i never did any thing to make him be like this. we fight a lot becasuse of me being at home and i want to work but he tells me no. it is better for you to be home with the kids. he is going on a trip with his friends and will be gone. i wanted to go with him but he said if you can find somone to watch the kids you can go. he knows i can not. i do not know what to do any more. we are behind on all our bills he does not care any more. he said were did that get him in his first marriage. i tell him i am going to leave and he tells me don'nt let the door his you in the you know what. he knows i can not no$
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:28 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • so basically he married you on the rebound and you think that it should be marriage made in heaven. He told you all his issues (RED FLAGS) and you kept investing your time in this relationship that didn't sound good from the get go and NOW you want to ask wtf? It just sounds like you should have been able to see from the start that this wasn't a relationship built on a sound foundation of love and caring. Not sure what to advise but to suck it up and deal with it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:33 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • He kinda sounds like a jerk. And to say don't let the door hit ya in the you know what shows he doesn't care. And what the heck is he going on vacation for if you're behind on bills. I say get a job regardless of what he says and try and move on. No one deserves to be un happy and treatd poorly because of what happened 10 yrs ago.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:39 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • Not to be mean but what you described is NOT a marriage.

    I don't think his first marriage really has anything to do with you, but who the hell knows.

    One thing I do see is a controlling man, who likes to have his own life, but could care less
    about his wife.

    Personally if he is not a willing participant for counceling, what else is there for you to do..
    but regain you freedom..

    Staying married to someone like him, there is no future for you....

    I am sorry that this is happening to you, look at it as a sign for you to take charge of your life again and better yourself.
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 8:22 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

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