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love my friend, could leave her kid

one of my best friends has a child who is down right mean. she locks my son in rooms, teases my daughter and tries to make them drink toilet water. i am at my wits end -- i have tried everything from calling the mom in advance to establishing the rules when we get to their house to following them around. no matter what the tactic one of my kids always winds up in tears. i know my friend is well intentioned and i honestly don' t think she knows what to do with her kid, but it's starting to wear on me and my children. i'm getting close to throwing in the towel on family get togethers which i know will really hurt her feelings. any thoughts on other things i can try before giving up?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:09 PM on Jul. 21, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (4)
  • If your children are being hurt like that, I would probably just try to do things with her, and not her child. I have dealt with this before and the mom would NOT see what her kids were doing, I finally told her that I loved being around her, but that her children were not allowed around mine. She was upset for a few weeks, but got over it, her children are working toward being allowed over here, I think I may not have been the first to tell her it was time to fix it. Good luck!
    clovismommy25

    Answer by clovismommy25 at 7:37 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • Wow, that's a hard one... My neighbors son is like this, he is 5 and my daughter is 2.5, he is really mean to her especially when there are older kids around. Anyhow, I eventually had to stop letting them play together unless I'm there to monitor and even then he is mean, I make sure to correct him and tell him why we don't do whatever he was doing, things got better but if you even walk 15ft from them while they are playing he will get mean again... I really believe some kids are just out-right mean and there isn't much to do that will change it. Personally if I were you, I would put a stop to visiting and letting them visit, especially since you said their behavior hasn't changed no matter what. I wouldn't be able to handle seeing my kids treated like that, have you tried to sit down with the mom and her kids and talk to them all at once, I'm at a loss here because you have suggested so much, maybe try that?

    HMHUTSON

    Answer by HMHUTSON at 7:43 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • I ran out of space to type, but good luck, I know how hard it is to be stuck in the middle of a bad situation like that; I also agree with the first poster, I would just try to hang out with her and avoid exposing your kids to hers. Best of luck!

    HMHUTSON

    Answer by HMHUTSON at 7:45 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • Perhaps limit get-togethers to neurtral territory, like a public park, an indoor playground or a restaurant or mall play space? This way you and your friend can visit, but the kids are always within sight & there is limited opportunities for mean behavior.
    mom2aspclboy

    Answer by mom2aspclboy at 7:55 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

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