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Is it wrong to hate your step kids?

I have two step kids that I CANNOT stand. They don't listen, they talk about how their mom is SOOO much better, they treat their dad with no respect at all!!!! And I could go on and on and on. . . ..

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:22 PM on Jul. 21, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (12)
  • Yes, You should realize that they are children and you are the adult, If you dont like their behavior then change it , You are putting to much emphasis on the fact that you are a "step" mom. You knew what you were getting into marrying a man who already had children, so step up and me a woman. You are a mother figure in their lives and if you plan to stay married to your husband its gonna be like that forever. Ive said this before but it takes a certain kind of strength in a woman to be a good step parent, maybe you arent that certain type. Its sad for the kids, think about the situation they are in and how you can either make it better for them or worse.

    Answer by cainesmama at 7:27 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • How long ago was the divorce? How old are the children? It could be that they are reacting still to the divorce (or death of their mother, whichever), and are angry about the situation. You are the newcomer, the "intruder" as they see it, and are taking it out on you. Unfair? Yes. Expected? Yes. The way you react to them now will determine how easily they adjust and how much of a relationship you will have with them later. I absolutely hated my stepmom for about the first year, and my mom had been dead for years before. I still felt resentful of having to listen to someone who "wasn't mom". She hung in there, and showed the patience of a saint. Now, she's more of a friend than a mom and as an adult I am glad she's around to help and ask advice from. Hang in there, be patient and you will most likely end up with a much better relationship in the future!

    Answer by Emuu at 7:40 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • Only if you're planning on divorcing your present husband. Do you really think you matter more to him than his own children? Unless he's messed up to begin with, the answer is generally "no"- -you will always be second to his children.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:49 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • I don't like mine either. There's tons of good groups on here on dealing with stepkids, have you checked them out?

    Answer by MichiMomma at 9:20 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • It is NOT OK. This is something you should have figured out BEFORE marrying their father. When you married daddy, you got the kids, you should have learned about this well before putting the father in a situation where he may have to choose.

    Answer by Petie at 9:27 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • You said yourself that "they treat their dad with no respect at all". If this is the case, then he must allow it, in which case, your DH has to step up to be a father. If you both get on the same page, then maybe their behavior will change.

    Unfortunately, if you join the stepparenting group here on CM, you may find that you DH actually doing this is merely an ideal, and not something that will actually be done, in which case you're in for a lot of stress. Good luck.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:42 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • Hate is such a strong word. Do you really hate THEM, or their behavior? You have to understand that being a young kid, and dealing with step-parents isn't any picnic either. You and your DH need to lay some ground rules with the kids TOGETHER, to show them that their disrespect will not be tolerated. Your DH should probably also speak with their mother so she can help out as well. If she's unwilling to do so, then you'll have to work extra hard. You may not be their bio mom, but when you said "I DO" to their father, you took on parental responsibilities for those children. The both of you need to work together to help make your family function in a pleasant manner. I don't have step-kids, but I am a step-child. I know what it's like to be in their shoes, and having a resentful step-parent only makes the situation worse. Thankfully I have a wonderful step-father who treated me just like his own.

    Answer by milfalicious08 at 2:25 AM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • I have dated someone and I really like him, but no way I could deal with his kids. He lets them walk on him and I feel bad but we can't have a relationship because I am just not willing to deal with it. Don't know what to tell you since you are married, but I know how you feel.

    Answer by ria7 at 2:12 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • I'm sure your step children are not too fond of you either
    Divorce is really hard on kids... just realize that your the adult and after some time has passed they'll lighten up. hopefully

    Answer by jachelle at 4:06 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • MichiMomma: do you have any you can recommend. although my relationship with my stepdaughter has gotten MUCH better, any extra help would be great.

    Answer by Mercy121 at 7:54 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

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