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Its been six months!!

ok so its been almost six months since i gave my little girl up for adoption.. And i am still sad will it ever go away!!! or at least ease up

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irishmama0607

Asked by irishmama0607 at 7:48 PM on Jul. 21, 2009 in Adoption

Level 4 (54 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • i dont think it will ever go away i think youll always remember it but maybe it will be easier to deal with later on down the road
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:52 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • Its been two yrs one week and two days since I placed my baby girl with her family. It is still VERY hard. I dont think it will ever go away. And I am beginning to think that it doesnt ease up. Sending you tons of hugs. I know what its like.
    TLW514

    Answer by TLW514 at 9:44 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • It will ease up, but it will always be with you. You will just find a way to deal with it.. Please PM me if you ever need to talk..
    rainfalls

    Answer by rainfalls at 11:07 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • The thing is...no one else can predict what it will be like for you. All of us handle our grief, loss and pain differently. We can only share our own experiences with you. I know many birth moms, and for some the pain lessens over the years. For others, the pain intensifies as time passes.

    Initially, the pain did lessen for me. I intentionally boxed it all away and did all that I could to ignore and not face it for decades. It was not until reunion that I finally faced it all. The pain smacked me hard in early reunion. However, I eventually found ways to deal with it and be happy again. For a while, I wondered if I ever would be happy again. Get lots of support and therapy if you can and be patient with yourself. You have suffered an enormous loss, and it will become a part of who you are. Fight hard to regain your strength and find some peace. The sadness eases for many moms..but rarely does it go away completely.
    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 1:13 AM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • The pain never truely goes away but you do move on. We were in the process of adopting our grandson (14 months with us!) when out of the clear blue the courts gave the sperm donor his rights back. We lost him and now we're not even considered his grandparents under the eyes of the court. Some days are just fine and then I see a picture of him grinning at me and my heart breaks all over again.
    baconbits

    Answer by baconbits at 1:40 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • i still think about my daughter every day, its been about a year, but i seem to be doing okay since i have 3 other little ones to fill up all my time and love. i miss her and i know i always will, but the pain is not as bad as it was. i just hope that the family that she is with will make her happy. and pray that someday i will get to see her beautiful face again, when she is a lovly woman.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:49 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • OP, I send this with a huge HUG! <<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>;) NO, it will NEVER go away, how can it, we are seperate from a part of our selves, one can not go back to being an UN-MOTHER. Southern is right, we all handle our journey differently. We go on to lead normal, and productive lives, yet somehow, we never light that dark spot in our heart again. Allow your feelings, become the best you can possibly be. For none of this journey should ever end up, with anyone not becoming the best they possibly can. I would like to think , my twin sons, would be very proud of WHO I am, and the place I am at , now....Blessings, C.J.
    ceejay1

    Answer by ceejay1 at 5:51 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • The loss of a child is an enourmous one and i'm very sorry for yours. You will need to grieve and there are several stages of that. The thing is with adoption grief is that very few really understand it. If your child had died people would be trying to comfort you and support you. Because your child is not, people expect you to just get over it which isn't realistic at all. The adoptive parents of your child are responsible for paying for post adoption trauma therapy, try and find a therapist that specializes in adoption feelings and preferably one that is not affiliated with the adoption agency. Seek out help and ask for support.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 10:55 AM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • onethentwins...

    They are only responsible for paying the adoption trauma therapy if it was in their post-adoption agreement! At least that is the way it works in Cali!! And she didnt say if it was an open or closed adoption! if it was closed, the AP most likely arent responsible for anything

    OP...

    I would call the social worker that worked with you through your adoption and ask about adoption support groups, that might be very beneficial for you
    Jaydin_Makenna

    Answer by Jaydin_Makenna at 4:42 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • I agree with southernroots. It is different for each of us. I think it also depends on how open you can be about your loss. For the first 4 years after the adoption I kept it hidden because I didn't want my new bf's family to know. . . It tore me up inside to see kids the age of my daughter, I cried my way through Mother's day, Christmas and her b-day. . .it wasn't until I left the relationship and became very open about the adoption that I really started to heal. I still think of her, heck she is on facebook and messenger with me, but the pain has lessened.

    The only advice I can give you is to find someone you can talk to about your feelings, realize you have a right to grieve, and keep a journal about your feelings and your reasons for the adoption.

    I forgot to ask if it was an open adoption, if it is work with the a-parents to keep it open and take advantage of any possible contact. I didn't for 4 years.
    chrissmom734

    Answer by chrissmom734 at 11:42 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

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