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Have you ever given up a newborn child for adoption from an unplanned pregnancy, and the adoptive mother was someone you knew? like a best friend? If so, how did it effect your friendship/relationship with them?

I am considering letting my best friend of 17 yrs adopt my son. This would be a very open adoption(visits, pics, emails, we already talk almost everyday anyway)...I am a working single mother with one child already and I am really struggling. If I kept the baby I would be on gvt help most likely..and his father didn't even want him to be born. she is married and has 2 young children of her own. She runs a daycare from her home in another state. I was just wondering if anyone out there has been in a similar situation who could give me insight. Or just state what you think...I will not make my desicion based on this ...but I am interested in some insight....

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:30 PM on Jul. 21, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (11)
  • I have not but wish my sister could. She would love to have a baby but can not due to medical. Someone almost considered it for her once but did not work out. I could never carry a baby and give it up but if I was young or had no way to take care of the baby I would want some one I knew to take care of the baby have a agreement in place make sure what grounds you would like to stand and what grounds she would like to.Be honest and always think of the child and I think it could work. Good luck God bless

    Answer by mamagator at 9:49 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • I don't like the age of the adoptive mother, but if she already has 2 children and has proved to be a good mother than I don't see a problem with it.

    If I were to give a baby up for adoption I would want it to be someone close to me and I would want it to be an open adoption.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:53 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • I had my mother adopt my child, and it has affected our relationship tremendously. I really reccomend that you do not have your friend adopt your child. If you have any questions for me please feel fre to PM me.. anytime.

    Answer by rainfalls at 9:59 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • my mother gave my sister ronelle up for adoption to a very close friend ronelle an i are almost the same age an in my opinion that was the worst thing she couldve done eventually jealousy occured the adoptive mother always assumed ronelle would love my mom more so she started to pull away till eventually she didnt even allow ronelle to call nore would she send piics now that my sister is older she moved out bc her mom had gotten sycho bout the whole thing an basically locked er in he house i just wouldnt recomend it it usually most often can effect ur friendship

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:15 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • She said its her best friend for 17 years NOT the woman is 17 years old. Good grief! Can you read?

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:23 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • I just wanted to let you know I will be praying for your family & the decisions you will be making. We have been trying to adopt, we have a son of our own, but are unable to have more, I just wish we had someone close to us that would give us a little one! We were matched for a very open adoption, last Feb, we talked everyday 2-3 times a day, then after 3 months, they disappeared. It is such a roller coaster, it's one ride I wish my family didn't have to go on, but we have always wanted more children. I hope everything works out for you and your friend! Your in my prayers!

    Answer by Christian-Mom79 at 11:56 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • i had my aunt adopt my first child, and i cant stand it now that i sis. its been like 41/2 years, but i dont like the way he is raised, at first it was okay, then they started to act like i couldnt see him and we stopped having family get togethers over it. i now have 3 kids that me and my hubby raise, but it still irks me all the time. i'm not saying that will happen to you, i was just letting you know what could happen. so really think about it hard before you do it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:32 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • My daughter has signed over legal custody of our granddaughter to us and it hasn't changed anything in the past year. The only thing is both sides have to realize that yes my daughter is her mother but I am her momma. She gives me her input but realizes that we have the final decission on how she is being raised. We send pictures of her and when she gets older will send school paperwork, etc for her to enjoy. Both sides MUST be willing to work together for the good of the child and not get jealous, possesive, etc

    Answer by baconbits at 1:45 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • I'm the Adoptive parent actually. I adopted a friends baby. It WILL change your relationship. Someone told me that and I didn';t really believe it, but it is true.
    We had (he died of unexplained causes) an extremely open relationship. Visited, phone calls, text messages. It was as open as open can get.
    it is tough, though. Its hard to explain but it is very hard. We even stayed at her place (per her advice) for a week after the baby was born so she could spend time with him. When we left, I felt horrible. We were glad to bring him home. But to watch my friend cry uncontrollably and kiss her baby goodbye. It was just tough. Tougher since we knew eachother.

    Answer by babycakes254 at 5:18 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • I wouldnt do it. If I could take back my son's adoption I would. Your baby needs you and his/her sibling. You always have help no matter what happens. Just if you do then I suggest going to see a counselor bc you will be depressed. Im sorry to say but thats a fact. But remember this is your choice. Why dont you stop by a group that Im in, here on CafeMom called Birthmothers of Open Adoption. The ladies there have helped me in so many ways. Heres the link

    Answer by Thaifalung20 at 5:54 AM on Jul. 29, 2009

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