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How many women would be ok with thier husband going out mountain biking every weekend while leaving you at home with the baby?

First of all, my husband works 40 hours a week but is home by 3. But when he is home, he sits in front of the computer all night on mountain bike forums. Then he wonders why I get upset when he wants to go mountain biking on every Saturday morning for 3 hours minimum not including loading and unloading time, and some Sunday mornings. Half the time, I have to work my part time job so we don't really get to see eachother often. My week consists of cleaning the house and dealing with our autistic child who has therapy for atleast 2 hours every day of the week. I also am in charge of all of our finances and I am trying to build my photography buisness. Do you think he should be going every weekend and mountain biking or do you think he should limit it down to 1 or 2 weekends in the entire month?

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kricketcarr

Asked by kricketcarr at 11:18 PM on Jul. 21, 2009 in Hobbies & Crafts

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Answers (11)
  • Oh no. HELL no. That's not acceptable. 1 time a month, unless he's in training for something. He needs the computer turned off or something too. He got married and had a child with you for a reason - now he needs to spend time with you & your child(ren). Argh.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:23 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • I think it is okay sometimes...it's his outlet and something he loves to do...but every weekend ALL the time....he should be sharing some of the responsibilities of your home and family with you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:24 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • The crux of your problem is... why doesn't he want to be with his family?
    Maybe ask him what you as a family can do together.
    timelessglass

    Answer by timelessglass at 11:27 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • If he loved you and your child, he would be at home with you. Not to mention, he would compromise with you on what you think is fair vs. what he thinks is fair. Marriage isn't a selfish relationship -it's self-less! It sounds like maybe he's not mature enough to be married! Remind him he's not single anymore and that he promised for better and worse! He needs to stop being so selfish!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:41 PM on Jul. 21, 2009

  • Maybe you should show him the answers you've gotten so far. It might help you get through to him. My so's hobby is online gaming. He works 40 hours a week and then plays for a solid 9 - 12 hours a week on the computer. It bothers me a bit but I'm also out for about 9 or 10 hours a week with yoga friends and taking yoga classes. We made a commitment to each other, though, that when the baby arrives in a few months our number one priority will be the family and all the responsibilities that come with a baby. He also usually sets his gaming time from 9 pm - midnight because then the playing doesn't interfere with family / relationship time. Your husband needs to hear what your needs are. He made a lifelong commitment to you, not his mountain bike.
    preggoandfat

    Answer by preggoandfat at 8:47 AM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • Maybe you should ask him to limit his involvement. For example say. "Either mountain bike 4 times a month and no computer time or twice a month and 2-4 hours computer time a week. "

    My husband has started running 3-4 times a week so I understand, but he is also very attentive with my girls and let's me do a mom's night or wine tasting whenever I want.

    IT'S ALL ABOUT BALANCE!!
    momtokate

    Answer by momtokate at 9:09 AM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • I have to say that it would be the computer time that should be cut not the mountain biking time... My husband needs exercise and biking is a great way for him to stay fit and let off steam. Maybe you could get a kid trailer for your bike and go on less adverterous trails with him sometimes instead? But if I were going to fight a battle it would be about the computer time not the biking time. And does he let you have your own time? While my husband does bike alot he also does everything he can to be there when I have a mom night out or something.
    KatieP.

    Answer by KatieP. at 9:39 AM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • It sounds to me you are needing and wanting more time and help from him. I believe he has checked out for some reason. I suggest you ask him for what you needing and wanting from him. I think you should just tell him in nice positive way how you could use his help and would like to spend more time with him.
    truely914

    Answer by truely914 at 11:49 AM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • Why does your husband mountain bike? Is it for health? For pleasure? For a hobby? Is it a release for him?

    My husband is an athlete who runs and cycles. He trains almost every day and races a lot on weekends, on top of having a full time job. For him it is more than a hobby, more than health - - it's a passion of his. I would never dream of making him give up his passion.

    I think you need to sit him down when you are calm and express to him that you need some help, time, or whatever else you need. Grab a calendar and ask him to plan days that he mountain bikes and schedule them. Ask him to give up some of his computer time when he his home so that he can spend time with you and your child(ren). Nagging certainly doesn't work and if you deny him what makes him happy, you will crush his spirit.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:24 AM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • if I had equal time to get out too....he can go ahead.

    hypermamaz

    Answer by hypermamaz at 9:57 AM on Jul. 23, 2009

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