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do you feel like you were "cheated" during your labor?

I had plans for how I wanted my labor to go. Now there wasn't anything to unrealistic, I had already had 3 kids prior to my daughter 3 weeks ago, but I kind of knew what I wanted to happen, and what I didn't want to happen, ya know? I feel like my MIL and my BIL (both of whom were NOT invited) Kind of ruined the whole experience for me, and I am having alot of trouble getting over it. I know it kind of sounds petty, but it's how I feel. My husband kept telling my mil not to come up to the hospital and we would call her when it got closer, and she just shows up, WITH MY BIL! My bil and my best friend (who was kind of my doula through the whole thing) dated previously and DO NOT get along, so he kept making shitty comments to her and making faces behind her back. My husband kicked him out of the room 5 times throughout the whole thing, and he kept coming back in. It got to the point that (cont...)

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:10 AM on Jul. 22, 2009 in Pregnancy

Answers (14)
  • I really needed my husband to help me through contractions, that he had to just ignore him and stop the arguing for my sake, which ment of course that bil took full adjantage and stayed in the room. I had planned on no epidural, but with all the distractions I ended up getting one, I really feel if everyone had left me alone I would have coped alot better and may have been able to do without it. MIL also invites her other dil and my niece up to the hospital, she just turned one the week before I gave irth, why would I want a 1 yo in the delivery room! And she invites them up without asking me or my husband they just walk in. I am having to have the nurse finally kick everyone out except for my mom and my best friend (and hubby of course) My mil misses the birth by minutes, tries to walk in (with bil still) while my legs are still in sturrips, before I even deliver the placenta (cont...)

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:14 AM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • SHe is yelling at my mom and best friend because they didnt call and tell her they were going to miss it (still not getting the hint that I DID NOT want them there to begin with!) And then wants to go on and on about how I had 3 kids prior I should have handled labor better and been able to focus ( I had really bad back labor and baby never turned and was born sunny side up) and then wants to lecture me before I am even taken to my permenant room that I gained to much weight and I should have been more careful ( I gained 45 lbs, and have already lost 35 of that) I have heard from her about every other day since about how I didnt name the baby after her (my older daughter is named after women on my husbands side of the family, but not her specifically, so we gave our newborn my mom's middle name) Thanks for listening, but how do I cope with all this, I am so mad at her and want to scream whenever she calls! I feel cheated!

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:19 AM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • This being your third delivery and it sounding like your deliver(ies) were to your needs I think you should just chalk this up to learning to keep your business to yourself and tell no body anything till all is said and done. Enjoy your baby and move on. It's not your first delivery, You're wanted in spirit and body by your baby and others in your family. Feel better. And I had one labor bad ending in csection and I was hospitalized for over a week with a fever and infection afterwards and two more csections.

    Sorry you're so sad. You're not a failure of a mommy to your newborn. You're a mom who's had a birth experience that was up to our demands. Could you have ppd? Maybe talk to your doctor.
    Hope your feel better. Your worthiness in life throughout the world really isn't based on your birth experieinces but what happened before and since then.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:22 AM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • op here-

    I was induced so everyone knew when I was going to be at the hospital, my mistake I know I should have kept my mouth shut, I just really thought they would all respect my wishes. This was my last baby and I really just wanted everything to go right, just for once to say ok, I did it and have the peace in my heart that I didn't miss anything and I could stop having kids with no regrets kind of thing. My hubby thinks I might have ppd too, I am supposed to call the Dr tomorrow. I am just so mad at her. I feel like she stole something from me, instead of me and my husband having quiet time right after my daughter was born he is having to leave the room and shut everyone up because she is yelling at people because she missed the delivery. I should have been able to have time with who I chose to be there, her not included. And who the hell wants their brother in law to see them like that anyway!

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:28 AM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • ,,,anony 1122 here ... You're a mom who's had a birth experience that was up to our demands .... sorry, meant You're a mom who's had a birth experience that was not up to our demands, our expectations like many many moms.

    Nurture yourself and keep caller id on your phones and put space between yourself and those who upset your birth experience. You do not have to talk to them. You do have to find healing of your body and in your heart of your own self. Call your doctor for better advice, don't let this eat away at you. You deserve rest and good health for yourself then also for baby and family.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:29 AM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • Listen to your husband and let him help you let him help you get to your doctor. What were your other birth experiences like?

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:31 AM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • thank you, I guess I just feel so stupid for even feeling bad about it, I just need to give myself permission to be upset before I can start to be okay with it in the end.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:32 AM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • my other experiences were okay I guess, nothing perfect, but mil was at the last one and totally treated me like crap then too the whole time I was in labor that is the main reason I DIDNT want her there this time, I knew how horrible she would be. She invited people there last time too. I always just prefer to have my best friend and my husband there, but she always weasles in somehow. It just came between my husband supporting me when I really needed him, or ignoring me to go put his foot down with his mom and brother, and I really needed him to stay with me. I even had the nurses desk looking out for them to not let them in, but I was so far away from the desk that they kept sneaking in anyway.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:35 AM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • You did have those meaningful people with you but others too. It sounds like your extended family but not your husband is very controlling. A lot of our families are like that. My mother is like that. I now decide without guilt when and where to get together. I want to get along with my family but because of my family's needs and my husband's schedule we can't just up and go running to family gahterings. So we screen calls to deal with them and I do when I'm alone. I don't feel guilty and you shouldn't either for what you've been through.

    You're allowed to have wanted your last birth to be peaceful and restful. Since it was because of things beyond your control then, give yourself that peace and rest now. Let yourself rest with your own family. You do not owe them time overextended when it overextends you. Your doctor and your husband can help you get your rest.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:52 AM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • I'm having a scheduled c section on July 30th and I'm dealing withdrama. My mom is a drug addict and I don't want her at the hospital and I've finally told everyone that if she shows up I will have her escorted out by security and if someome brings her they will leave too. I'm very blunt I wouldve been a bitch and called security to havethe mil and bil escorted out. I already checked with my hispital and they will do it, but now that its after the fact you just have to kind of move on. Sorry you had a bad experience.

    Answer by jazzysmommy1004 at 12:54 AM on Jul. 22, 2009

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