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Help me please! My Fiancée son is 2o, failed out of free college and doesn't want to work

What should I do? I am totally in love with my Fiancée and I want to spend the rest of my life with him but I am loosing my mind over how he handles his 20 year old son. I just moved in with my Fiancée and for the last year he has given his son deadlines on when to get a job, and grow up. He failed out of college and moved back in with his Dad where he works a part time job and has no ambition to do anything with his life. My Fiancée is currently paying the rent for his son’s apartment, his grocery bill, electric, and gas, water, and garbage bill. I know that if I was 20 and my parents were doing that I wouldn’t move either. It is causing so much tension between is I don't know what to do. I know he wants him to seceed but what is the right way to go about it? I have had a full time job since I was 18 I can't imagine putting this much pressure onmy parents.

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Asked by dolphin505 at 2:07 AM on Jul. 22, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

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Answers (4)
  • Ok this problem will not go away so you can deal with it one of a few ways. You can eiter sit down with your fiance and let him know how very much this bothers you. If this is going to be a deal breaker you need to tell him that to. Your other option is to stuff your feelings about the situation and never remark about it. What you need to understand and you probably do or you wouldn't be asking, is that this will never change unless your fiance gets sick of it. This could go on forever so you need to ask yourself is it worth the stress put on you for the rest of your fiances life to deal with the deadbeat son?

    Answer by goddessmom at 2:12 AM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • its a very tough situation and you will have to do some serious soul searching on this one. because your fiance' is enabling his sons lazy behavior and will continue until he figures it out what damage he is causing his son and himself. this is his child so tread very carefully, you may need to step back until HE realizes what is truly happening. good luck

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:15 AM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • You need to decide NOW if you can deal with this. It most likely will not change and if it really bothers you it will be a huge problem once you are married. Although you don't want to just say...."It is him or me".......this may be what you have to do. However, you need to be prepared for him to choose his son!

    Answer by Dyndudes at 11:04 AM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • ask pop what he thinks he is teaching the moocher. Ask him what happens to the son when pop falls over dead (heaven forbid). he's not teaching his son to be self sufficient but you know that. Tell pop that if he loves his son he will teach him responsibility and how to be a man and not keep him as a boy. Tell him to only give a deadline when he means it. He must mean what he says and say what he means and quit giving the young man mixed messages. Tell him he's hurting his own child in the long run by doing what he's doing. Does he really want to harm his child? I don't think so.

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:08 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

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