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I need some opinions...

I am a SAHM. I do everything but work (I am trying to get an online business off the ground). So technically I am working but am not making an income. I cook, clean, do the laundry, playdates, bathe the kids, read them stories, put them to bed, manage the bills (with NO envolvment from my dh) I even mow the lawns on the weekends. Oh and I go to school one night a week. I work when they go to bed. Well, my dh seems to think that his responsibility ends at work. He comes home and does what ever he wants to which usually includes sitting at the computer and drinking beer. Does this sound fair? My dh seems to think so and I don't and I just want to get some opinions from other people. Maybe I am wrong....I'm just not sure. Thanks

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 4:48 AM on Jul. 22, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • i am in the same boat and i do not think it is right! i just don't know what to do about it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:56 AM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • thats deffinatly not fair. he sould be doing more because ur job is kids and house while he is working. so if he's scheduled 9 hours u are too. so when he comes home he should help

    Answer by Dom123123 at 5:07 AM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • You are running a daycare center for the hours he isn't home. When he does get home, you need some help.

    Answer by SWasson at 6:23 AM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • Is it fair? Just WHO told you being a SAHM would be fair? For that matter, Life IS NOT FAIR! EVER!
    If you can make the $$ like your hubby I suggest you talk to him and ask him for a little help with the kids. He cant fix a problem he is not aware of.

    Answer by vbruno at 8:21 AM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • You are totally right in the way you are thinking. My DF seems to be on that same boat, most of the time. He gets beer every weekend, buys stuff for himself, food, treats, toys etc. But I get a hard time when i ask him for money to buy coffee...whats what $4? I asked him before..."so you get all this, what do i get?" His response "you have a roof over your head"

    Most guys don't seem to realize how much we do as mothers. We don't just sit on our ass all day while they Work so so hard.... its annoying that they think that.

    Answer by MomCakes at 9:31 AM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • Obviously somewhere along the way you have shown him that you don't need him for anything so he doesn't do anything. You show him you can do it all. Next you young women will start singing Helen Ready's song "I am woman, hear me roar". You cannot push these men out of the picture, do it all for them and then complain about the situation you have created yourself. There is at least one complaint like this a day (if not more) on CM. I'm not being mean but come on now. Make him feel needed. Men want to feel needed. Don't give him a command and tell him what to do like an old nag, preface your wants with the words "I need you to (cut the grass)." My favorite is "would you help me with ....?" Many times it's in how you say things that matters or when you say them. I wouldn't say it in the middle of some sports finals game for instance. If you are exhausted and he comes home you can say "I'm so glad you are here, I need your help".

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:39 AM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • And that is the reason why I divorced my DH!!! I did it all even getting firewood and piling it downstairs!! I feel for ya girl!!

    Answer by newlifewith3 at 9:44 AM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • Did you talk about what it meant to be a sahm before coming a sahm. Like what his responsibilities would be and what he thought yours would be? Did you agree to a set time off. Like I'm currently a sahm mom. I take Sundays off he gets Saturday. I told him I will do the majority of the work not all of it. He agreed to it. Then he said well we can both get 80 a week to spend on what ever we want to. I said hey sounds good to me. Our daughter is old enough to do her bath/shower time by herself, we both do bed time ritual. She gets her book from her room and brings it into our bedroom, we read it together. Then we walk her over to her bedroom and tuck her in. She goes to bed at 8:30 after that we play on the computer for an hour or so then spend some time together. It is what we agreed upon before we made the decision for me to be a sahm.

    Answer by lady-J-Rock at 9:47 AM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • Some men tend to be that way, and if you do not ask they do not help, because they feel you have it and that is why you are not mentioning or asking. Me for instance if I am juggling to much I tell him while I am doing this can you do me a favor and do this or that and he does it. Sometime you just have to throw it out there an let them know that their help would be greatly appreciated, since I have been doing that he is always helping now, and I love it and while doing whatever we discuss work and the kids and etc, which brings on more communication, communication is the magic key.

    Answer by cgrant2607 at 10:05 AM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • I'd get some counseling- this seems to be a common complaint.

    Answer by LadyAronna at 11:39 AM on Jul. 22, 2009

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