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How do you keep from hurting family members feelings when you go in to deliver? (Question stems from other post)

I was posting on another Mom's question who was very hurt and saddened by her last birth experience which was ruined by her MIL and BIL.

As a mom we all know how we want our birth to go. We have ideas of what we'd like to happen and then things happen that are out of our control.

My next birth will be a c-section due to medical necessity out of my control. I would like for my DH or SIL (she's a L&D NICU Nurse) to be in the OR with me. As for the L&D room, I really don't want a lot of people there. I would like for my DH and our sons to come see me but other than that, I don't want to see my FIL or MIL. My MIL means well but she'll try to interject her opinion and I've done this before, thanks.

How does one express specific opinions without offending everyone else you don't want in the room? I love my inlaws but I don't want them seeing all my stuff during a pelvic check.


Asked by lilbit022009 at 9:13 AM on Jul. 22, 2009 in Pregnancy

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This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • when i had my son, all that was too be in the room was my husband and my mother (she was my coach). The hospital asked if interns could be in the room/there for the delivery, i said no. for me it was a emotionally personal thing that was about me. For this one day in my life, i felt allowed to be selfish, for once!

    **Giving birth is not a side show act, for anyone who wants to watch**. It's between a mother (sometimes father) and the baby she's having. It's stressfull sometimes, you're in a pain, somewhat naked, about to have a life changing what YOU feel is best for YOU.

    Others had or will have their day...have yours.

    And, as pissed off as others may be, they will most likely forget all about it once they hold your little one (later in the mothers rooms after you've rested!).


    Answer by citymama707 at 9:29 AM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • I completly understand that you want it to be just your imdetiate family. Your FIL or MIL should understand that. IF they don't you can't help that. As long as your DH can back you up, that you would prefer it will be just you, your husband and the boys you should be fine. But, i would check since you're having a c-section, Because I am too, and I was told I could have one person. So, of course you're going to pick your husband. That's a perfect excuse to get out of all the hurt feelings they could possibly have. good luck to you!

    Answer by Sillylins at 9:31 AM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • if you're concerned about a confrontation or such, talk to your doctor and the hospital. Usually, there is a form to fill out as to who is allowed in the room. You could have the doctor/hospital say only so many people are allowed in the room, or immediated family only?

    Or just tell them that the doctor said this. If they are brash enogh to confront your doctor, then they are just being plain rude and insensitive.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:34 AM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • SImple you're the boss and tell them that due to your c-section and recovery you're going to see them after you get home. It's too stress on you and the baby to have a bunch of visitors the first few days. If they get upset about it oh well they won't stay that way. They have to be nice if they want to see the baby.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:54 AM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • it's weird to me that women think that when they do no want the public seeing a baby come from vajayjays and sliced and diced uteruses that the public still has to be there legally.

    but legally they do not have to be there. For moms to be who do want very clearly several to massive people as part of the delivery team I support them and I'm happy for them. Birth is about you mommy and baby. So that means do what you need to do first for u.

    if you can't say no to family members now especially having a second baby then you will loose your self parenting esteem later. Do your families already give you advice and demands that you do not want?

    Kids that we make that we adopt are our kids and we are allowed legally and emotionally to make and follow up on our own rules. Send out emails to everyone that you or hubby or nurse relative on your behalf will either call one person to then call others or will call multiple people.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:12 AM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • i too have to have a c-section in 23 days....and i didnt want anyone other than my husband and son there....tehn i told everyone that the first day only can other people come and ill have my section around 8 am, and around 11 or so ill allow visitors....that way i have 2 more days to bond with my baby and my hubby and son together and alone....but i told everyone 30 minutes at the most do i want you there....i mean come on i just had surgery you

    try that....that way you still have your bonding time

    Answer by Mamaof2boys0709 at 10:20 AM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • if a mom's concerned about having massive amounts of people overpowering and pushing their way into the delivery room then those same people of not told to wait until calls come will overpower push their way into visiting on delivery date.

    get a laptop computer in the hospital with you, bet anyone will loan you one if you don't have it, and join Caring Bridges or your hospitals own new baby website and post delivery info there. That way you and baby and daddy, older sibling can get your needed rest after delivery. It doesn't matter if delivery is surgical or vaginal, I tried vaginal and had a csection then two more medically necessary csections. , birth however it comes is stressful ahead of time and during and afterwards too.

    Look into your hospital's baby announcements' website and see no one except for allowing only grandparents to visit hospital day of delivery except for your relative who's a nurse.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:28 AM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • i allowd my dad, mom, ex and my cousin who was my dd god mother to bein the room along with just my dr a nurse and a intern...after the delivery my ex mom and sister showed up they missed it by like 20 minutes so they caught me when i was nursing....but thats me i had a easy dr left it up to me on who could be in the room id talk to ur dr most r willing to run inteference for a mom

    Answer by rainmommy at 11:36 AM on Jul. 22, 2009